Brianna now wakes up an average of twice a night now and this morning she slept in until 9:30! She was up at 8:00, and I thought she may have stayed up then, but after nursing her she fell back asleep. I took advantage of that and went back to sleep myself. She's been going to bed a little later lately with the holidays and I liked her earlier bedtime better, but I think I like this extra sleep in the mornings too!

Now that I'm not so sleep-deprived I feel so much better. My patience is better and I feel like I can get a lot more done during the day. I find myself doing my housework faster while Brianna is content to play in her exersaucer or playpen so then I have more time to relax when I get the chances. Also, now that I'm better rested, the thought of taking care of other children seems a lot less daunting.

Scott and I had always talked about how I would stay home with our kids and watch other children too so that I'd also have an income. After I had Brianna and found out how hard one baby was I wasn't so confident about my childcare abilities. I went to school for ECE with our plan in mind, but I became really scared about it. I'm starting to feel better though.

I'm going to have to start having a better routine with Bree so that she'll be used to it when we start having other kids here. I've always been pretty flexible with her; I've had a very loose routine with her. I'll continue to play thing by ear sometimes, but I need a bit more structure so she knows what to expect.

The only thing I'm still concerned about is nap time. I still put Brianna to sleep and we have our rituals for that that work for us. I'm not sure how that will work when I'm responsible for other people's kids too. I still want to be an attentive mother and not change things for Bree too much.

Here in Alberta there are government-run day homes for childcare and I'm looking into that since I don't know anyone who needs me. I emailed them and probably won't hear anything until after the new year. The families pay the day-home agency and then they pay me. I figure it might be the way to go; then I don't need to worry about the money part. I told them that I only want a couple kids that are 2-4 years and I'd like to start off part-time to ease Brianna into it. I hope it works out.

I have a few things I should be doing right now while Brianna is napping, but I've been wanting to blog for so long. I tidied up a bit and made some vegetarian chili for supper (I'm not a vegetarian, but I love the chili). I find that I judge myself as a wife and mother and how much I can get done in a day and I feel a little bad when Scott comes home from work and I don't have supper ready and the apartment is messy. I don't know why I do this to myself since I don't expect this from other women and I certainly didn't grow up in a household where my mother kept things in their place and had supper on the table at the end of the day. In fact, it was my dad who was at home with me most of the time and while he kept things basically tidy, he wasn't the male version of June Cleaver.

For some reason, though, I have set my expectations high for myself and then when I feel over-whelmed it makes me feel guilty for not being able to juggle everything - especially since I only have one child. I also forget to do things for myself quite often (like blogging). I've had a book out of the library for 6 weeks that I'm still only about a third of the way through and I have another one on hold that I need to pick up and read. I've read the current one before, but I'm trying to refresh my memory on the story since it's part of a series and the latest story is due out next year sometime (it's Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon, part of the Outlander series. I highly recommend the series to you). It's seven hundred and something pages long and I'm on page two-hundred and something. I've already had to renew it once and it's due back today so i'll either have to renew it again or give it up and try again later. Scott's constantly telling me that I should relax while Brianna is sleeping, but usually when I try to relax, I end up thinking about everything that I should be doing.

I'm going to have to work on this problem. I truly believe that women should take time for themselves and do what they enjoy so that they can be the best mothers/wives, but it's easier said than done for me.

A New Room

On Sunday night we decided it was time to move Brianna into her own room. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and we only intended for her to stay in our room for 6 months. I loved having her so close to me when she woke up in the night, and it had become a comfort for me to fall asleep listening to her breathe. She's a very light sleeper, though, and we thought maybe she'd sleep better without us making noise. We also couldn't go in and out of our room or talk in there while she was sleeping because she'd wake up.

So, on Sunday night I told Scott it was time to move her crib. The crib needs to be taken apart to go through the doors, so it's not something I can change my mind on. I felt really sad as we prepared her to go since it's a big step (for me, at least).

The first night she was up constantly. I think she was up five times, but it could have been six; sometimes the night becomes a blur when she's waking up so much. Monday night she was only up 4-5 times, and didn't get up for the day until 8:15; she's usually up closer to 7am. Then, last night she only woke up once! When Scott woke me up at 6:30 I couldn't believe the time. I don't usually have to get up with Scott in the mornings and he usually lets me sleep since I'm almost invariably up all night, but this morning I had take him to work so I could have the car for Brianna's doctor's appointment. I can't help but wonder how long she would have slept because I actually woke her up. I really hope that moving her to her own room is going to be the answer to her frequent night-wakings. It seems like she needed a little bit of time to adjust, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I just wanted to let people out there know that Brianna will be getting baptized on December 9th so we'll be at Rustle. If you want to say hi to us we'd love to see you!

Stink

I'm really looking forward to eventually having a house of our own so I don't have to smell everything coming from other people's apartment. When I was pregnant, and my smell was really sensitive and I had an aversion to everything, I used to love to get outside of the daycare where I couldn't smell the cooking from the kitchen, people's perfume, and the diaper odours. When I'd step through my door in the evening, though, the smell of other people's dinner cooking would turn my stomach and there was no escape from it. The smells were so strong (to me, at least) and I couldn't stand it. Now that we're in a new place and I'm not pregnant, I'm still bothered by the smells from other people's suites seeping through the vents and under the doors. In our bedroom you can sometimes smell cigarette smoke from our neighbour. He reminds me of Pigpen from Peanuts because when I knock on their door (he and his wife mange the building) a cloud of smoke comes barreling out the door as he opens it. It bugs me the most when I smell it at night because Brianna still sleeps in our room.

This morning when I got up I came out of the bedroom and my nose was assaulted with the smell of garbage. I did a quick check of my own garbage and came to the conclusion that it was probably coming from the neighbours upstairs since aside from the smoky neighbours, (who are beside our bedroom so I would have smelled it in there), they're the only ones connected with our suite. Our bathroom quite often smells a bit like sewage too, and I think that's coming from the pipes.

This all reminds me of when I lived on Collingwood Street in Kingston with Shaun Weima and Scott in an upstairs apartment in a house. The guys who lived downstairs were students who really had it out for Shaun because he recorded music and had parties late into the night (this was also a problem for Scott). I don't know if it was because they didn't like us, or if they were just plain filthy, but the smell of garbage when you would walk in the front door downstairs was nauseating. We routinely sprayed Lysol in the foyer outside their door to try and mask the odour, but the two smells together were almost worse. I'm pretty sure if I smelled that scent of Lysol now it would make me sick. The worst part was that my bedroom was right over top of their kitchen where they kept their garbage and it all came up through my vent. It was terrible. When they finally moved out, the landlord told Scott about the piles upon piles of garbage bags that were in their kitchen; he was pretty sure they had never put the garbage out the whole time they lived there.

I've usually been one to open a window to get fresh air into my place instead of lighting candles or spraying air fresheners, but I think I'm going to have to get some of those new Oust candles that claim to get rid of smells. It's getting cold here and next week it's going to be in the -20's so I don't think I'll be able to open the window much longer.

Some Pictures...

Bree's been sleeping a lot better most nights lately and so am I! She's been waking up between 7&8 and I'd rather get up when it wasn't dark out, but I can deal.











Update: I had to say something...two nights in a row now that Bree hasn't slept well at all.

sleeping

I keep reading that Brianna should be able to soothe herself to sleep now that she's just over 5 months old. She can't, really. Sometimes in the mornings or in the middle of the night she fusses I barely wake up and I turn on her Fisher-Price rain forest thing and she falls back asleep, but the actual falling asleep for nap time or for the night still relies on her being walked or nursed. I'm not really sure what I should be doing. I'm not into letting her cry, like most articles tell me, but they don't seem to give many other options. One I read today said that you can have a routine, and then put her down still awake so she can fall asleep on her own. It said that if the baby gets upset you can soothe them with your voice or by rubbing their back. Maybe this is the way to go, I don't know. Today for her nap I put Brianna in her crib and sat down to read in the rocking chair next to her. She didn't cry, but she kicked around a lot and "talked" to her mobile. I thought maybe she didn't realize it was sleep time so I went to my usual walking-back-and-forth-in-the-hallway method. Within minutes her eyes were getting droopy so I took her back to the crib and laid her down. She started to cry, not frantically, but she wasn't happy about being put down. I tried gently rubbing her head, which often works to calm her down if she becomes restless in the night. She stopped crying, but she no longer looked like she was going to fall asleep. I tried again with the walking and I sat in the rocking chair for a while, but she just wanted to sit up and look around the room instead. Finally I nursed her and she was asleep almost right away and I put her down in her crib. I know that eventually I have to let her fall asleep on her own, but I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how much fussing I should accept or if I should just continue to put her to sleep myself. I have no problem putting her to sleep myself, but I feel like a bad parent because of everything I'm reading.

I'm on my second day of being a stay-at-home-mom all by myself and so far it's going well. I usually try to get my bigger cleaning chores done at the beginning of the week so yesterday was a little more hectic, especially since Brianna only slept for an hour the whole day. Even so, I managed to get everything done on my list and still go to the park so Brianna could have some fresh air.

Today I didn't have as much to do, but while she was sleeping I cleaned the office, which I've wanted to do for a long time. After she woke up and we played for a while I took her for a walk to London Drugs to buy diapers that were on sale and now she's sleeping again! I like my job.

We're going to be home in December! We'll be flying into Ottawa December 1st and staying at Scott's parents' place until the 12th. We're planning on getting Brianna baptized while we're there too. December 9th is the date and Al is going to do it for us. We're really excited to see everyone and happy that Brianna will still be a baby when people get to meet her.

Change

Yesterday we took Brianna to the doctor for her 4 1/2 months check-up and it went really well. The doctor was impressed by her development and thought that she had quite the personality (she really is a character). I mentioned how Brianna used to sleep in 5 or 7 hour stretches, but now she seems to wake up and want to nurse every 2-4 hours. It's not a huge deal; she usually goes back to sleep pretty easily afterwards, but it's tiring me out a bit. She suggested that we start with some rice cereal now since she seems to be needing more food. It was an exciting idea to try something new with her so last night we gave her a tiny bit of cereal. She didn't really seem too sure of it; she spit most of it out. I don't really think she's ready yet. Aside from that, it just seems like it's too soon just based on her age. I sort of think that she's getting enough food since she's waking me up all the time. It's not much fun, but I think I'm going to have to suck it up for a few more weeks until she's ready for different food. Besides, I know that giving her solid food might not even ensure a longer sleep.


This is Scott's last weekend before he goes back to work so I made a big pot of vegetarian chili for myself so that I can freeze it in small amounts and have a healthy lunch with little preparation while I'm alone. I'm really looking forward to seeing how I do at my dream job all by myself.

A nice weekend

This past weekend we went to a wedding in Waterton Lakes national Park. The wedding was in the park and the festivities were in small towns in the area. We were worried about the drive down there since Brianna HATES being in her car seat. Most car rides involve her screaming, and red-faced in the back seat. Thanks to a rather restless sleep on her part the night before she slept through almost the entire ride and cried very little.

The 5 hour drive is really quite beautiful. I've done the drive between Edmonton and Red Deer a few times and it's nice to be in rural areas. As we got closer to Calgary the scenery changed slightly to see the mountains in the distance and beyond Calgary the trees diminished and the land was flat in some areas and rolling with hills in others. I've always loved the foothills. I think I might even like them more than the actual mountains. There's something peaceful in their smooth continuity and I feel sad that I won't be close to them when we move away.

We stayed just outside the park in a place called Mountain View in a B&B. There were cows and horses in the fields and barn kittens playing outside. It was just perfect. I wish we could have had more of a chance to spend time relaxing and I really hope that we can go back some day to do just that. There was a spot just down the road from the B&B to ride horses; I've been bugging Scott to do that since we were dating.

I got home about an hour ago from a baby shower, nursed Brianna and put her to sleep. I didn't think she'd still be sleeping since she slept on the way home, but she has only slept in tiny increments since getting up this morning. As soon as she was sleeping I cleaned the kitchen, swept the floors and tidied up the bathroom. I even finally swept the office floor and got the cat hair that was collecting under the futon. The cats aren't even allowed in the office and there was enough hair under there to make another cat.

I have 15 days left of having Scott's help with housework and taking care of Brianna and then I start full time as a housewife/stay-at-home-mom. This is what I've wanted since I was a teenager and I can't wait. I expect to be a little over-whelmed at first until I find my groove, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. Already, I've become really good at doing stuff one-handed or really fast while she sleeps or plays in her exersaucer. The only thing that still presents a challenge is laundry. If she's sleeping, I can't go to the laundry room at all. If she's awake, it's still not all that easy. Sometimes I put her in the sling (Rachel, the hip carry is great), but I still have a hard time carrying the laundry with her and bending over to the dryer is tricky. I can do it if I have to, but I still prefer to have Scott home to just watch her while I run to the laundry room. Or he can do his laundry himself...

The last thing on my list for now is to use the lint brush on the couches. But first, I have to pick Scott up from the golf course. Today is the last day that the course is open (For Scott, I feel sad, but for me...I'm so glad!).

Video

Psycho Cat has been coming to visit everyday so we got a video of the whole thing.

Pscyho Alley Cat

Yesterday morning Scott and I woke up to a horrible moaning sound followed by screams and loud bangs. In our sleepy state we both thought that it might have been the kids upstairs since they can get really loud sometimes. As I became more fully awake I realized that it was actually the sound of angry cats and I got really freaked out. They fight sometimes, but it sounds more playful and sometimes frustrated than what we were hearing. I convinced Scott that it was, in fact, our cats making the terrible sound and not the kids upstairs and he went to investigate. The thought that crossed both our minds was that someone was in our apartment hurting our cats. I waited in the bedroom with Brianna, who was also waking up. After more loud bangs, hisses, and growls; but no sounds of distress from Scott, I also went to check out what was going on. It turns out that there was a male tabby cat at the living-room window and he was running into it with his head. The growling we heard was coming mostly from Tyke and the banging was him jumping out of the window when he was charged at (there are security bars on the windows since we live in the basement and they were banging). All three cats were cautiously watching and the room was filled with the sound of growling.

Scott got out the pepper spray (we got it from the pet store to spray on furniture and other areas where cats are clawing or peeing etc.). He opened the window and started spraying it directly at the cat. He's run away from the pepper spray, but he kept coming back to look at our cats.

Flash back to a couple days before:
Scott was walking around with Brianna and saw a cute grey tabby sitting at the window. Tyke and Zeek both jumped into the window to investigate and the cats meowed curiously at each other through the screen. Scott opened up the window without the screen about an inch and Zeek put his paw through to touch his new friend. Mishka was the only one not saying hi to the nieghbourhood cat, so I put her in the window too and chastised her for being so antisocial. As soon as she caught sight of the grey tabby she started growling and hissing. The tom didn't seemed too affected by Mishka's hostility; he just meowed back at her. I took Mishka out of the window because I was worried he would leave. Little did I know she perceived his craziness and was warning him to leave (or she was just being her normal, antisocial self - what do I know?).


That's what made yesterday morning so creepy. That cat was perfectly normal the last time we saw him so I don't know what got into him. We've had the windows closed and the blinds down ever since because we don't want that to happen again. I'm just glad is was so cold, otherwise I wouldn't have closed the window in the first place and he quite possibly would have rammed himself right through the screen.

It's almost been a month

Scott has complained about me not blogging anymore, but my reply was that I don't really have the time. Most of my free time is spent trying to get some cleaning done or have a shower before Brianna needs me. I don't know how all you moms out there with more than one do it. Brianna is sleeping now, though, so I have no excuse. She went to bed at 10:30 tonight and I hope it's for the night. Her sleeping schedule is slowly getting a little better. I've gotten her up a little earlier in the mornings and it's helped at night. She seems to be a bit of a night-owl.

Our summer has been busy with barbecues, seeing friends and lots of reading. We got rid of our cable for the summer and I've read more books in the last month than I usually read in a year. Scott and I have both been reading "The Earth's Children" series and I've been interested at different points in the story. Every once in a while the books get a little dull though, but eventually pick up again.

Last weekend we went to see Blue Rodeo for free at the folk festival by standing outside the fence. We could see and hear perfectly and we got to hear a bunch of other acts that were pretty good. Blue Rodeo is one of my favourite bands and I've seen them a bunch of times, but it wasn't their best show. They didn't interact much with the audience and they didn't play long. It may have something to do with them being the last act of the night and it being 3 degrees outside.

Pain

My new routine of running came to a halt the other day because I twisted my knee. I was in an area where the sidewalks are in really bad condition and when my foot landed on a slanted area it hurt my knee. It hurt when it happened, but I was able to finish my run. The next time I went out it still hurt, but I was still able to run. I decided to wait two days before I went out again to give it some more time and then I was going to start the next level of my conditioning. I took two steps and couldn't do it. Now it hurts to walk for a long time. It's been almost a week now and it still hurts. I'm really disappointed because I could feel my endurance building up and I was on my way to finally achieving my goal. I know I still can, but it's frustrating that I'll have to start from square one when I feel better.

Yesterday morning I took Brianna to get her first set of immunization shots. She was so happy while we were in the waiting room and I felt bad that it was going to be painful for her. She screamed really loud when the nurse did it and it was really hard on me. As soon as I got back out into the waiting room I nursed her and that made her feel better (and me). She was sleeping when I got her back home, but when she finally woke up she was crying a lot and we could tell she was in pain. Scott went out to get some baby Tylenol while I held her and nursed her. Every time she was moved she'd cry and throw out her arms the way she does when she's startled. It was terrible for all of us. After she had the Tylenol she fell asleep off and on for a few hours. Eventually when she woke up around 5 she was finally back to herself again and we didn't have to give her anymore medicine.

Running

Wow, blogging two days in a row. This is unheard of. Brianna has been sleeping quite a bit over the last 24 hours and she's sleeping away in her daddy's arms right now. I'm surprised by how much she's sleeping today because normally she's up most of the afternoon and evening. She's been pretty alert and happy when she has been awake so I guess that means she's ok and she's just tired. Maybe it's just her growth spurt. We took her to the health clinic to be weighed today and she's now 10lbs 15 ounces. She's put on 10 ounces since last week.

I went for my post-partum appointment today and my doctor told me I'm all healed up and can start exercising again. I'm glad to hear it since I found out that I'm still 20lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. I'd like to lose it plus an additional 5-10 lbs. Tonight I went for a little jog, or at least I started to train my body into being able to jog. I've never been a jogger, but I've always wanted to be. The only problem was that I'd jog for about 2 minutes and feel like I was going to die and I'd think "why would anyone do this to themselves". I still wanted to though. It just looks so exhilarating. I have re-occurring dreams where I can run for miles and miles and feel great. So I found a website that gives a schedule for training your body for a 5k run in two months. For the first week you walk for 5 minutes and then alternate between running for 60 seconds and walking for 90. You only do it 3 days a week so you don't over-do it. I was surprised by how difficult the 60 seconds was (although, I'm not sure why I was surprised), but I was also surprised by how it got easier after I found my groove. I think I'm finally going to be a jogger and I'm pleased with myself. I have a wedding to go to on Thanksgiving weekend and I'm determined to have the weight off by then and be happy with my body. I've really been struggling with the way my body is now and I don't think I have to be stuck with it.

Not Enough Hours...

I finally understand what people mean when they say there aren't enough hours in the day. Brianna is sleeping right now so I've got some time to update. Her schedule is a little challenging sometimes. She sleeps all morning and part of the afternoon and then she's up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Luckily for us we don't have any obligations so we can go along with the flow, but we tend to sleep until about 11am. Some nights she'll sleep for 6 hours at a time and then other nights, like last night, she'll sleep for 2 hour intervals. I'm feeling pretty tired today, but I'll try and get a nap in later.

Scott and I are having lots of fun together while he's off work. It's nice to have someone to get out with to day errands. We also have a nightly tradition of going for a walk in the neighbourhood when the rest of the world is sleeping.

We really wanted to visit Kingston this month, but now it turns out that it won't happen. We'll consider it again in December when Scott has holidays, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Good news though, we've decided that we are going to move back there. It won't be for at least a year and we'll have to wait until Scott gets transferred, but it's our plan. Since having Brianna we decided that it would be nice to have family around. I'm really excited about going back to Next or Rustle too. There really doesn't seem to be any comparison anywhere else.

Brianna's Birth Story

On Friday, May 18th I woke up at 8 am to a phone call from the hospital saying that I could come in for my induction. I was really surprised because my doctor had said that it was quite unlikely that they'd call me since there were a number of women ahead of me who more urgently needed to be induced. I took a shower and got dressed and raced to the hospital. I called Scott on the way to let him know that I would call him when I got home because I was expecting to be given Cervidil, a tampon-like device with prostaglandins to help my cervix ripen since at one week late, my body still had shown no major signs of preparing for labour.
I arrived at the hospital around 9:30 and they did an NST for a while on the baby and checked my cervix. I was actually 1/2 cm dilated. Finally. While the nurse and I were chatting I discovered that I wouldn't actually be able to go home after I was given the dose because I was getting just a straight gel. I would have to lie on my back for an hour while the gel went to work on my cervix and and I'd have to stay so that both the baby and I could be monitored. The nurse also told me that it rarely takes one dose and that I'd likely have to have three every 6 hours. I called Scott again at that point and told him to leave work and go home to get my hospital bag and meet me.

After an uncomfortable hour of lying on my back I moved down to an antenatal room with 3 other women who'd been on bed rest for a while. Scott was with me and we decided to go for lots of walks to help speed things along. I called my doula, Mitzi and told her what was going on, but I wasn't feeling any contractions so she didn't need to come in yet. After 6 hours of reading old magazines and walking the halls of the ward, a nurse came to tell me that it was time for my next dose of gel. They didn't have a bed in the assessment area so I ended up in my own private delivery room while they checked me and gave me the next dose. If I remember correctly, my cervix hadn't changed at all at that point. I was happy that for my second dose of gel it was my actual ob/gyn who was with me. Scott and I both really liked him for his down-to-earth and calming nature. It was the last time I'd see him for the weekend though since it was the Friday evening of a long weekend. He had the weekend off.

After a couple hours of having the second dose I started to have contractions that were painful. I didn't really know what to expect at this point so we called Mitzi and she came in. I became excited then because I figured that these contractions would help my body get ready and then I'd be able to deliver after the 3rd dose. I received that second dose around 6pm and Scott and I continued to do more walking. When I was later checked by a nurse for progress it turned out that I was 2cm. At 10:00, Scott and Mitzi had to leave because I wasn't in my own room and I wasn't dilated enough to go to a delivery room. I told them both that I would likely call them in the night because I was expecting my third dose around midnight. I was upset that I had to be alone, but I wasn't expecting it to be all night.

About an hour after Scott left my contractions started to get really painful and about every 2-3 minutes apart. I told the nurse how I was feeling each time she came in to check my blood pressure and do an NST. She told me that if I could still talk through my contractions then I wasn't ready to go to a delivery room. I was getting progressively more upset as the night went on because I was in quite a bit of pain, I couldn't sleep through my contractions so I was getting tired, and I was alone. I was told that they weren't ready to give me my third dose of gel or even check my cervix because the delivery ward was really busy and no doctors were available to see me. Finally, at about 4am a resident came to see me. He checked my cervix and I was still only 2cm and there was no other change. I couldn't believe it. I was so discouraged, but he told me I'd be checked again in the morning. I was so tired and I just wanted to go to my own delivery room so Scott could be with me. The doctor suggested I take a sleeping pill so I could sleep, but I didn't want anything. I did finally sleep for an hour and a half though. When the nurse came in at 6am on Saturday I asked her when I could have Scott and Mitzi come in and she said they could come at 8am. I called them and let them know. When they finally showed up I had a hard time holding back my tears. I felt like I finally didn't have to be strong anymore because I had Scott with me to take care of me.

Saturday was spent waiting. We didn't know when I was going to be checked again or given the next dose because of the shortage of doctors and how busy it was in the delivery ward. I just kept walking and trying unsuccessfully to sleep. My contractions started petering out as the day went on and I was getting nervous. They went from being strong and 2-3 minutes apart to being weak and about every 10 minutes apart. That afternoon we told Mitzi she may as well go home and we'd call her if things changed.An hour after she left a nurse came and said I had to go upstairs to the other ward because they had a bed for me and they were going to give me my next dose...finally after 24 hours.

When I was finally checked for my progress I was disappointed to find out that I was still just 2cm dilated. My body was just not ready to go into labour. The good news was that my cervix was finally in an anterior position and the baby's head was quite low. The doctor decided I should go on the oxytocin drip at this point. I really wasn't wanting this, but it seemed like I had no other choice with the rate my body was progressing. I just wanted to give birth and leave the hospital. They hooked me up to an IV and I was then finally sent to a delivery room and Scott could stay with me. At about 7pm on the Saturday night, my contractions started to get more painful so we called Mitzi again thinking that it would progress quickly now.

It soon got to the point that I couldn't move or talk during my contractions. I sat on a birthing ball for a few hours in a hot shower. It was pretty much the only thing that helped. I was feeling great in spite of the pain. I thought things had to be progressing now and I felt I was handling the contractions really well. I was breathing through them and I wasn't getting stressed out. I thought I was on my way to having a good delivery soon.

At 4am on Sunday morning a doctor finally came in to check me. Before he came in the nurse said that he'd probably break my water. I told her I really didn't want my water broken because I knew the pain intensity would go up a lot and I didn't want an epidural. She said we should see how dilated I was and then discuss what to do next. Well, I was still just 2cm. I was devastated and discouraged. I couldn't understand why my body wasn't working properly. I was starting to get worried that I would have to have a c-section. It had been 42 hours at that point and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. The doctor came in on his way to doing a c-section for another woman and Scott asked him what he was planning on doing. He said he was going to break my water. I said I didn't want that and he simply responded by saying, "We do it all the time". This wasn't a good response for me and I started to shake uncontrollably. I was upset, I felt backed into a corner. I explained to him that it was too early to have my water broken at only 2cm and I thought it was a bad idea. I told him I wasn't ready for my pain to increase that much that fast and I'd rather wait until my body was closer to giving birth. The doctor kept pressuring me and I felt rushed because he had to go to a c-section. Scott was getting angry with the doctor and wanted to give me a few minutes to think about what I wanted to do. Finally I told him to go ahead. I couldn't handle his pressure and I all I could think was how much longer could I keep going as exhausted as I was and still have the energy to push when I was finally fully dilated. So I gave in. He proceeded to break my water and I asked him to wait until my contraction was done and he kind of smirked and said it was the best time to do it. I took a deep breath and waited until it was over. Everyone, including the doctor and the nurse, told me it wouldn't hurt to have my water broken, but he was so rough. He rushed through the procedure and then left. Immediately I started shaking even more as my adrenaline had hit a high with the sudden decision I had to make and all my emotions were crazy. I started crying as I tried to breathe through the intense contractions (that grew to be about 30 seconds apart) and battled my emotions inside as I contemplated the epidural. Everything was wrong. There was nothing natural about the birth experience at all for me anymore. I was angry that things had gone the way they had, that they left me for 24 hours not really knowing what to expect. I was angry that I had to be left alone for a night without Scott and that my body hadn't just gone into labour on it's own. And lastly, I was angry that the doctor treated me with such little regard towards what I wanted. After 3 contractions I was finally able to tell Scott through my crying that I wanted the epidural. I needed to sleep. I needed the relief from both the pain and the frustration I was feeling with everybody and everything. The anesthesiologist received my order for an epidural at the same time as two other women and he rushed in within minutes to help me before rushing out for the c-section that the doctor was going to. Scott had to hold me as the needle was inserted to try and keep me from shaking too much. I was so upset that things had come to this.

The epidural started to work within minutes and I lay on the bed feeling my body go numb. I finally fell asleep and I woke up around 6am with nurses coming in and out and checking various things with me and the baby. Around 7:30 a nurse checked to see how dilated I was. After everything I had been through I was shocked to hear that I was 9 1/2 cm and there was just a small lip over the baby's head that needed to be freed. She told me to do one push during my next contraction (which I couldn't feel). I did, and then I was 10cm.

I started the rest of the pushing at 8am. I couldn't feel anything and I had to rely on the nurse to tell me when I was contracting. They decided to turn down my epidural and turn up the oxytocin that I still had attached to my IV. Pushing was difficult since I wasn't able to feel anything, but somehow I managed. I was still really tired so in between pushes I just laid back and breathed. It's all I could do. I was getting annoyed by how many people were coming in and out of the room and talking about trivial things amongst themselves while I was trying to give birth. One nurse actually came in and commented on how little progress I had made. Mitzi immediately told me to let the comment go because I was actually doing well. After about an hour and a half of pushing I started to be able to feel the sensations and my pushes were better. I still felt like it was taking too long though. The doctor came in shortly after and I kept pushing until finally her head came out. I tore at that point, but instead of feeling pain I felt extreme relief because it was what allowed her head to come free. I got her shoulders out and the rest of her body followed. I can't describe the feeling that came over me as I felt her leave my body and she was put on my stomach. Scott and I were both overcome with emotions and I have never felt anything similar to that in my life.

Scott and I held her and adored her while they delivered the placenta and stitched me. She latched on and I fed my daughter for the first time and I couldn't wait to be in a room alone with just the three of us.

They normally only allow patients to stay in the delivery room for an hour after the birth, but we were in there for almost 2. It still felt rushed though and there were a lot people coming in and out of the room, but finally I was wheeled up to a room with one other bed in it. The other woman was going home though so I had the room to myself. I was later taken to a completely private room that night.

When I think back to Brianna's birth I still get upset that it was pretty much exactly how I didn't want things to go, with the exception of course, that I gave birth to a beautiful healthy little girl. She was born with scratches on her scalp and I'm convinced it's from the doctor roughly breaking my water. She still has a scar that hasn't completely healed a month later. I really hope that the next time will go better and I'll labour naturally. In retrospect I think that if I had actually waited until the Tuesday after the holiday when the doctor had expected I'd go, I may still have been induced, but it would have gone smoother because my body may have been more ready to work. I know better for next time now.

I am just so thankful that I didn't have a c-section and that Brianna came out without forceps or vacuum and she's healthy and happy. She's such a great baby and we are so happy.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband and to all other dads and father-figures out there.
It's been so nice having Scott home to bond with Brianna and help me with this whole parenting thing.

Brianna is doing really well! We went to the doctor's today and she now weighs 8 lbs and is really healthy. She loves to eat and she's finally got the hang of it. She loves to sit up on our shoulders.

Another Picture

Be prepared for lots of pictures on here!

Brianna Elizabeth

We came home from the hospital today with our little girl Brianna. She weighed in at 7lbs, 9oz (you were right, Rachel!) and was born May 20th at 10:02am. I was in the hospital since Friday morning. It was a very long and difficult labour and I'll post the story a little later. She's doing great and we couldn't be happier.

41 Weeks and 1 Day

I couldn't believe it yetserday at the doctor's office. I'm not even half a centimetre, not mid-position, not even softer. Nothing! All that walking and all those false contractions (the ones that actually hurt) did nothing. He said the baby was lower, but I didn't get a station. I'm sure if she's dropped it wasn't much. He put me on a list for induction today, but I likely won't here from them until Tuesday. I had an ultrasound to see how the baby is doing and she seems to be doing quite well. She's estimated at 9lbs and 2oz already though(ouch!)! I guess I didn't miscalculate my dates, so that makes me feel good. It's too bad my body is only thinking about making her bigger and not about getting her out. I have 2 non-stress tests to go to at the hospital and then I'll get induced. I'm glad they're on the weekend. If I was going beyond Tuesday I'd have to go to have tests done during the week next week and getting there is difficult since Scott takes the car to work. It's a 10 minute drive, but an hour commute by bus including transferring. So I'm hoping and praying that they call me today so I can get this over with and she doesn't have a chance to get any bigger. But if they don't call me today I hope I go into labour naturally over the weekend. Also, I really hope that the cervidil gel is all they need to give me and I don't need my water broken or an oxytocin drip. I'm scared I'm going to have a difficult labour now and going natural is going to be harder. But I'm still determined!

Hatching Babies

Yesterday I did a little more than I usually do on my average day. I went to visit my daycare to see my kids and it was so nice to see them. I can't believe how much they grow in so little time. I was happy to know that they haven't forgotten about me and they were really happy to see me and asked me questions about my baby and why she hasn't come out yet (I wish I had the answer for them). Some of them were even a little sad when I said I had to leave. It makes me look forward to visiting again later after the baby is born.

Scott got home pretty early yesterday so he went to the golf course and I tagged along to be his caddy. It would probably be more fun to actually play, but my tummy would get in the way of my swing. It's nice to spend time with Scott, but I usually get a little bored after about 9 holes. It's the same when I play. I'm much better on a mini-putt course.

This morning I got up a little earlier than usual and did some big cleaning in the kitchen. My lower back, around my hips, has been a little sore today, but I'm keeping busy anyway. I've already gone for my daily walk. It's a really nice day today. Now I'm running out of things to do again. Maybe after Scott gets home I'll try and get him to take me to the West Edmonton Mall for some mini-putt before he goes to the pitch-and-putt course. He has a membership there so it's his favourite thing to do. Mini-putt would be perfect for me though.

5 Days Late...

I just woke up and I don't feel like I'm about to give birth, although I don't know if I'll get much warning on it. I guess I'll just keep puttering around here and going for walks. I thought I'd update since everyone has been curious.

40 Week Update

Today is my due date and I just got back from the doctor's. I was expecting to hear that I've made all sorts of progress since last week because I've been having contractions that actually hurt and I'm much more uncomfortable compared to last week, but nothing. I've lost a couple pounds, my stomach is measuring the same size, and cervical change is nada. I go back again next Thursday and then we'll discuss induction. I don't want to be induced, but if I have to be I guess that's just life.

How much longer?!

So it's two days before my due date and nothing yet. I've had some mild cramping every once in a while, but I have no idea if it means anything. I've been paying attention to every tiny, single thing my body is doing these days and I'm driving myself crazy. I've been going for walks and doing some housework, but sometimes I just feel lazy and I don't want to do anything.
I guess I could go into labour tomorrow, or I could be pregnant for another two weeks. I'm just hoping an induction isn't in store for me. Maybe later I'll walk to the store and buy some pineapple; I've heard there are some benefits to eating it. If nothing else, I love it so it would be a nice treat. I'm pretty sure the baby wants out, though, she's been moving a lot and even making me uncomfortable at times. I'm just hoping it's not too much longer.

Diapers and Update

I woke up to the sound of my door buzzing this morning and received my first bunch of cloth diapers. They brought me 35 diapers, a pail and their special deodorizer, some soaker cloths and two free plastic pants. I'm very excited to have my diapers. Now I just need a baby to put them on. When the baby is born they will bring me a full order of 70 diapers each week.

Yesterday I had my 39 week appointment and found that while things still seem good, there wasn't a lot of progress. The baby is still floating at -1 and my cervix is still closed, luckily it's starting to soften, though, so that's something. I'm hoping the rain will let up and I can go for a walk. Hopefully I can get the baby lower. As Scott reminded me, in my belly is the best place for our baby right now so I shouldn't get too impatient. It doesn't help my eagerness though.

2 More Weeks

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and not much has changed. The baby is lower, but that's it. I think just my closed cervix is keeping her there. The doctor suggested that since the nice weather is here maybe I could go for some walks and maybe bring on labour. I just don't think she's ready though and any attempts would be in vain. I'm feeling like she'll be around my due date. I was very excited to be in and out of the doctor's office within a half an hour, though, that never happens. He also told me that he'll be in San Diego for a conference 3 days before my due date so I hope she doesn't decide to make her appearance on those days. I'm quite attached to my ob/gyn.

Today I went out with my friend who's a due next week and she may be induced tomorrow. I'm both excited and scared for her. I don't want an induction. She doesn't seem to be thinking about it much, though. I'd be a nervous wreck. We went to Toys R Us and then had some pitas followed up with some Marble Slab ice cream. I had the Amaretto ice cream with Skor pieces. It was delicious and now I can't wait to go back.

Bread Makers

Scott got me a bread maker for my birthday a few months a go and I just finally started to try using it. I've made white bread twice and raisin bread once. The first time I made white bread I used the wrong setting and the loaf came out dense and heavy. The second time, I followed the recipe to a tee and made sure I used the right setting, but the same thing happened. Then I made raisin bread yesterday and it rose really nicely and wasn't the least bit dense, but it rose so much that it opened the lid to the machine and stuck to the top. Why on earth is this happening, does anyone have any experience?

I've been doing a lot of domestic things since I've been home like cleaning, baking bread and making healthy home-cooked meals. I've really been enjoying having the luxury to do this kind of stuff. Yesterday I made lasagna and with my own sauce. I really think it's one of my best dishes so I enjoy making it. Scott likes it too, so that helps. He's kind of a picky eater sometimes so when he likes something I feel pretty accomplished.

The baby has been really active, which surprises me because most people say they quiet down around now since they don't have as much room. She seems to be quite comfortable to kick me in the ribs and push her fingers or her head up against some nerves in my pelvis. I have a doctor's a appointment tomorrow and I'll see if there are any changes that indicate that maybe I'll have her early. I feel ready, so hopefully she will soon too.

37 Week Update

Yesterday as soon as I arrived at my doctor's appointment I found out that he had to leave for a delivery. I settled down with my book ("Bodily Harm" by Margaret Atwood...the character seems a little too self-loathing like so many of her heroines) and waited for my turn. After about an hour I got called in for my blood pressure and weigh-in. I weigh the same as I did last week (I guess eating Breyer's French Vanilla ice cream everyday is ok) and my blood pressure is fine. I then waited another half an hour and then I got to see the doctor. The baby has dropped quite a bit; she's at -1 , but my cervix hasn't changed at all. My uterus has grown 1 cm since last week and the baby is nicely positioned with her bum towards my ribs. While the doctor was feeling her he said that all he could feel was hard, "lumpy, baby" so he was concerned that there wasn't a lot of amniotic fluid around her. He did a quick ultrasound and discovered that there is plenty, but she is all on the right of me and she's pushed all the fluid over to the left side. So my left is squishy; my right is hard. She still looked adorable on the ultrasound too.

Last night my tail bone was really sore from sitting in the waiting room for so long. I bruised it at the beginning of the pregnancy and it seems to be getting worse as my pregnancy progresses. I have a feeling that it'll be an issue during labour. Sitting on my birth ball helps a lot, though.

Last night my doula, Mitzi, came over and we went over some of the positions and massage techniques for labour. I think it's too bad that I'll be in pain during labour, other wise it would be quite enjoyable. She suggested that I get a birthing ball to sit on as often as possible or at least try to sit in a leaning forward position more often to help encourage the baby to get into my pelvis properly and thus lessing the chance that I'll have back labour. I'm all for it. Every once in a while I get a little nervous about the whole ordeal, but then when I think about what I've learned and how Scott and Mitzi will be there to support me I feel more confident and relaxed. I'm really looking forward to having this baby.

I've decided to stay in today and possibly try and get the spare room organized. It's a little over-whelming though since a lot of the stuff in here is either computer gadgets, important papers, or things that just don't really have a spot. I'd like to get it finished this weekend. We might have to go to Ikea on Saturday to see if we can find a wall shelf to put some of the paper and office supplies on.

weekly check-up

I had my doctor's appointment this afternoon and everything seems well with both me and the baby. She's head-down and a little lower which could explain my more frequent runs to the bathroom. I've been getting a lot of braxton-hicks contractions, but they aren't painful so that's good. I'll go to the doctor again in a week and I'll find out if there's any cervical changes as well as get my results for strep b. The last two appointments have been quick too; no two-hour waits in the waiting room.

35 weeks

Here is my latest picture taken this morning from the baby's room. Today I am 35 weeks and 4 days and still feeling good. I'm getting anxious to get my hospital bag packed and have the baby's clothes washed and put away. I need to feel ready. We have the crib and change table set up and we have a dresser still to put together. When the baby is born we'll move the crib into our room, but we're keeping it in her room for now so the cats can still sleep with us in the mean time. Oh yeah, and the baby is still breech. I'd feel a lot better if she'd turn around!

Moved

I finally have a computer again and it has it's own room! We moved into our new apartment on the weekend and it's good to finally be settled. The move didn't exactly go that smoothly as it involved waiting for 6 hours in our moving truck behind our car with the poor cats in it while we waited for the previous tenants to move out. They told us they'd be out around noon, like we were, but around noon we were told they'd be out by 6 at the latest. The latest came and Scott went to investigate if they were out and it turned out that they weren't finished, but they had some rooms cleared out and we could get our stuff in. We were finally able to get the cats in so they could go to the bathroom and eat and we had all our stuff moved in within an our before they were even back for their next load. I suggested to Scott that we offer our moving truck and muscles to help them move the last of their stuff to their new place. I'd like to say that it was purely because I'm such a nice person, but it was mostly because I wanted them out of our hair. It was a good thing we helped though because they would have been moving until midnight otherwise.

Now that we're in, I'm loving all my extra space. The rooms are uncluttered and spacious and it's great to spread our stuff around. The baby's room consists of boxes and piles of baby "stuff", but hopefully this weekend it'll start to look a little more like a nursery. We have the crib, that we got for a great price at Sears and we'll pick up the change table tonight. The crib will eventually be in our room, but we're keeping it there until closer to my due date (5 weeks from today!).

Friday was my last day of work and my co-workers surprised me with a cake and party with our kids parents there. It was very sweet and thoughtful and I had to choke back a few tears when I had to say good-bye to some of my favourites (we're not really supposed to have "favourites", but it happens)

I'm now playing the waiting game and getting lots of exercise in my new neighbourhood as I explore. I wish the weather was a little more spring-like for my walks, but soon enough, I guess.

My Life Lately

Things have been pretty crazy as we try to get ready for the move to the new apartment next weekend. Yesterday morning I went to Zellers, The Superstore, and the Liquor Store to get boxes. I did pretty well for myself, but I think we're still going to need more.

Scott was sick with the flu most of last week, but luckily is getting better. He was well enough to go to the hockey game on Friday night and well enough to help me do a large amount of packing. Hopefully he'll be 100% better soon. He still has cold symptoms lingering. Speaking of the hockey game though, it was one of the best games I've been to in a long time. It wasn't what I was expecting since they were on a 12-game losing streak, but it turned out to be a really good game with an exciting finish. My favourite player, Marty Reasoner, was the only one to score in the shoot-out to win the game.

On Friday at work the other teacher who is pregnant and I were surprised with a presentation of a gift basket that had all sorts of nice baby things in them. They gave them to us in front of all the kids because the kids have all been very interested in the babies in our bellies. The kids are constantly putting balls under their shirts and telling us that their babies are kicking them. This is my last week coming up and I'm really glad. By the end of the day I've been pretty tired out and even sometimes a little light-headed. I'll be 34 weeks on Thursday and I have my next doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I always look forward to my appointments, but I never look forward to the 2 hour wait I have to see the doctor. Tomorrow night we also have our first of two prenatal visits with our doula, Mitzi. It'll be fun.

Fears

I keep having a recurring dream that I have my baby and I forget to feed her for a long time, and then when I finally try to, I have a really hard time getting her on the breast. To anyone who's talked to me about my pregnancy it shouldn't be a surprise because I'm more nervous about breastfeeding than I am about labour. I read in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that in many hospitals the nurses will take the baby out of the mom's room and feed them a bottle without the mother knowing. This totally freaked me out and I was scared that they would ruin my breastfeeding attempts. I've finally talked to enough people who have given birth at the Royal Alex Hospital and even a nurse who works in the ward (she's the mom to a couple kids at the daycare) that I feel confident that they won't do this. But still, in my dreams something doesn't work with the nursing. Last night in my dream I gave birth to her at the point I am now and she was a healthy 7 pounds, but I couldn't remember how many ounces or how long she was. She also didn't look like a newborn. She looked to be about 5 months old with light brown hair and pretty blue eyes. Also, in all my dreams that I give birth the actual labour part is a breeze.

When people ask me if I'm going to get an epidural I find myself saying "I hope I can do it without". By saying this I still sound "realistic" to them and I avoid the comments about how they think women who want to go naturally are dumb or want to be martyrs. I have no problem with epidurals for other women. My sister is one who needs to have one. She doesn't tolerate pain very well and it helps her bond with her children better if they haven't caused her that much pain. I also know that sometimes if a woman is too stressed out by the pain it can cause distress in the baby. Back pain and extremely long labours are cases when I really can't blame a woman for wanting to get rid of the pain, even if just to have a rest. For me personally, though, I don't want one. I want to be able to walk around, I want to be able to go to the bathroom myself and I don't want to possibly prolong the process. The biggest thing for me, though, is that I'm scared of that very small risk that it could harm me and that it does affect the baby's alertness. So the real answer the question is, "no, I don't plan on having an epidural". I'm lucky to have Scott who is extremely supportive of my decision and a doula who has years of experience coaching women through drug-free labour. I don't want the pain, and I know I'll have moments that I'll think an epidural will be the best option, but I also feel confident in my own body and state of mind.

A bunch of updates

I'm pretty bad at keeping up my blog lately, but I thought it was about time.

I have three more weeks of work left and then I'll be a housewife and a stay-at-home-mom. We got a new apartment on the west side of town and we're really excited about moving into it. It's about 3 times the size of the one that we have now and it's a 3-bedroom with a dishwasher. I don't love the area, but I do love the apartment. We loved it right away, but weren't sure if we would get it because there were a bunch of other applicants. I guess the landlady liked something about us. It'll be nice to have a place where the baby will live and we can start to prepare our place for her.

The beginning of March was pretty hectic since every spare minute was spent looking for a place to live. Now that we've found a place, though, we need to pack and that is just as stressful for me. As is keeping this place clean for viewing.

As of Thursday of this week I'll be 32 weeks/8 months. It's hard to believe how fast time is flying. I just found out tonight that my sister will be having her baby next Monday after being induced. Her baby seems to be in a good position and she's been pretty uncomfortable so the doctor okayed it. It's her third.

We've finally been getting some spring-like weather lately and I'm loving it. I really missed having a spring when we were in Vancouver. Although, on the other hand, I missed seeing tulips in February this year too.

The other update is that we went to see David Suzuki speak at the university a few weeks ago and it was pretty amazing and inspiring to hear him speak. If you ever have the chance to hear him, you should take it.

Not Your Average Morning Commute

Yesterday morning I left my apartment at 7:15am and walked my usual four blocks to Jasper Avenue, the main downtown street, to my bus stop. As I approached the intersection I noticed some flashing police and ambulance lights. I was concerned and assumed it was a car accident since the roads have been a little slippery lately. I began to cross Jasper and noticed that there was yellow police tape all around my bus stop in front of Boston Pizza and there were about 4 police cars, one ambulance and a city bus all parked on the side. I wasn't really sure what to do; I was curious and didn't know if my bus would stop behind all the vehicles. I stopped about 30 metres from the police tape thinking that perhaps there was room for my bus to stop there. I was trying really hard not to be in the way or too nosy. As I waited for my bus I glanced over to where the police were and I saw a television crew, 4 or 5 people that looked like witnesses to what had happened, and various police - and then I saw the body covered with a white sheet. The victims feet were visible at the end of the sheet and there was a dark-coloured baseball hat about a foot away from the feet. I was unnerved to say the least. I still wasn't sure what to do as far as where to catch my bus, but then another police cruiser pulled up in front of me so I decided that I had to go to another stop. I crossed the street in order to walk around the crime scene and then crossed it again to get to the next stop. I called work to let them know that I might be late, but I managed to make it to the next stop on time.

My ride to work was spent thinking about how I had seen the body of a person perhaps before his/her family even knew. If I had been there just a few minutes earlier, could I have witnessed it? Was it drug or gang related? Could it have been me lying there for commuters to gawk at? All these questions plagued me and I felt uneasy all morning, wondering what had happened.

At lunch time I finally was able to find out what had happened. A couple of young men were arguing on the bus and the driver stopped and pushed the panic button. The two men got off, continuing their disagreement and the younger man was stabbed. The man with the knife fled, but was caught by police four blocks north of the incident. It happened just shortly after 7am and I arrived at the scene at 7:25. If I had been on the earlier shift this week I would have been there. When something like this happens it really makes you think of your mortality and how fragile life is.

29 Weeks

Tyke wanted to pose with me too.

12 weeks to go...

Yesterday I went to the hospital that I'll be delivering at to get my blood test done. It took longer to find parking than it did to actually have my blood taken. When I was there I started to get really excited about the birth of the baby and I can't wait to finally meet her. Perhaps I'm just ignorant, but I'm not scared of the birth at this point and I'm looking forward to feeling those first contractions. I guess when you don't know what to expect you can feel that way. I'm sure that once I get into the 2nd stage of labour I won't be as excited, but I'd like to try to remember that with each contraction, I'm closer to having my baby (I'm an idealist).

I've been so lucky in this pregnancy as far as comfort goes. I haven't had any of the major problems that so many women complain of throughout their 9 months. I haven't had a chronically sore back, I can sleep at night, and I've had maybe 3 bouts of heartburn. I know there's still time for ailments to happen, but a lot of other women I've spoken to have had these discomforts already when they've been at my stage. I think it's partly because I haven't gained a lot of weight. I have a feeling I'm going to gain a lot more weight before the baby's born (not just in my belly, though) because my appetite has increased quite a bit. I find that I don't really get full easily, but when I do, I'm hungry again not long after. It's frustrating, because I don't know if I'm hungry because my body needs the calories, or if I've been using my pregnancy to be gluttonous. I know that I've gotten a little bigger in my butt and thighs, and I don't like that very much. I'm hoping that I'll be able to drop the pounds soon after our little girl gets here.

I just finished writing up all my Valentine's Day cards for my kids and getting the envelopes stuffed with the cards my kids made for their parents. They're really into the post office these days so I thought it would be cool to mail the cards to their houses. It's too bad I wasn't organized enough to get them out in time for Valentine's Day, but I think it'll still be cool for them.

I went to the doctor today and had to wait 2 hours to see the doctor. I try to be understanding when I have to wait because it's a very popular clinic and sometimes our doctors have to go out for deliveries. Still, though, 2 hours is a long time. Everything with the baby seems fine, though, and I measured about two weeks smaller than I should. The doctor said it's fine since I'm tall. I have to get more blood work done for my sore ribs. He thinks it's just a pulled muscle, but he wants to rule out gallbladder/spleen/liver issues. He doesn't seem concerned. I'll have to start going every two weeks now that I'm in my 7th month.

Today I called one of the kids at work "toilet". It was pretty funny and it was purely accidental. He had just finished using the toilet and I was talking to his friends about how toilets are dirty and you shouldn't touch them and then put your hands in your mouth. The boy who had just finished was dawdling so I said, "Wash your hands, toilet". He thought it was pretty funny, but he corrected me. I love sharing moments of true humor with kids. I had a pretty good day at work today, and it got better when we played Jenga at our staff meeting.

I'm really glad that it's Friday and I'm looking forward to our weekend. Scott and I haven't gone out without others in a while so tomorrow night we're having a date night. Scott's cooking me dinner and then I think we're going to go to a movie. I'm going to try and get to church on Sunday too since I haven't been there in a couple weeks. Then that night we're going to the hockey game.

The baby has been moving a lot lately and I'm really enjoying it. I'm going to miss being pregnant and having these little private moments with her. I haven't got an updated picture yet, but I'll have to post one soon. I'm still a little on the small side, but at least people can tell that I'm pregnant and not just getting a belly. A lot of people can't believe in 6 months though.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the day that my dad passed away so I chose to take the day off work. In his honour, I've decided to do some baking from a cookbook that my sister put together of as many recipes of his as she could find. I started with pie this morning. I looked at the recipe for the pastry and thought it looked pretty easy and since I couldn't find any frozen fruit yesterday for berry pies and I have no nutmeg for apple pie, I would make chocolate pie. I made one batch of pie dough, though, and realized it was too sticky because I had added too much water. I could have added more flour, I thought, but there are only 3 ingredients so I just did it again. The second time didn't work so well either. The dough kept breaking apart as I tried to put it in the pan. I wrapped the dough up in plastic and put it in the fridge hoping that something will magically happen to it to make it work better later.

Next, I started on the bread. Simple, white bread. I was really frustrated because the dough was too dry and didn't look the way I knew it was supposed to. I then realized I forgot to add the milk. I added it at that point and it seemed to be ok. It's now rising nicely on the counter so we'll see how it turns out.

This morning I talked to the property manager at the apartment that we want in Sherwood Park. It looks (from the blueprints) like it is a decent size and it's new so it's probably in good condition. It's within walking distance of Scott's work so we wouldn't have to use the car as much. It all seems great so we'll get the application filled out and sent in so we'll be ready. She said that we should be able to get in for March first. The only downfall is that they only allow one cat. I asked her if they were pretty strict on that and she said we could wait until they have a suite for us and take it up with the head office. It's so hard to find a place that allows animals, even harmless cats, so we're keeping our fingers crossed. Keep us in your prayers that they'll make an exception for us or we'll find somewhere else just as good before the baby comes. Even if we were allowed to have children in this apartment, it's too small for the two of us as it is. We really want to be in Sherwood Park so that Scott won't have to commute far, but there aren't a lot of rental places there.


Update: My bread didn't really turn out. It tastes ok, but I don't think I let it rise long enough so it's really heavy and dense.

Here you go...

So for all of you who have been eagerly awaiting an updated picture of me, here it is; taken on our fancy-shmancy new camera (at point and click setting, though). I'm 22 weeks now and that means, according to "What to Expect When Expecting", I have one more week of being in my second trimester and then I'll be totally uncomfortable until the baby is born. We shall see. It is getting more difficult to roll over in bed and doing things with the kids at work.

Tonight I'm going out with my first girl friend in Edmonton and we're going to see a sappy movie. We're supposed to go see "Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. I'm waiting for her to call me when she's finished hanging out with a guy she just met, but if she likes him a lot maybe our girl's night will have to wait.

It's been a bit too long since I posted.

I've been kind of bad for posting, I guess.

Our Christmas was really nice this year. We had my cousin Chris here for dinner on the 24th and i cooked my very first turkey ever. I was very pleased that it turned out and it was neither dry nor poisonous. Scott and I had 4 relaxing days off together and then Scott went back to a very stressful workplace for three days and I went to work where there were very few kids and I only worked a maximum of 4 hours a day while still getting paid a full day.

On New Year's Eve we went to a friend's place and watched the hockey game and followed it up with some card games. It was nice, but I don't like staying up that late. My body is still trying to recuperate from the late night.

This week at work I'm seeing more co-workers who weren't around last week and I've been told that I've gotten quite a bit bigger since they last saw me. I'm glad that people can tell that I'm pregnant and not just getting a paunchy belly. I'll try and get a picture up in the next little while. I've been feeling the baby kicking more lately and she's putting some more muscle into her moves. I think that Scott will be able to feel them soon. I still have a day here or there where I don't feel much action, but I've heard and read that at this stage it's pretty normal for it not to be consistent. That's comforting to know.