Everything happens for a reason?

For those of you who don't yet know, we've lost our little baby before even knowing him or her. I started spotting on Sunday, and after being told by an emergency room doctor that things were fine, I had an ultrasound yesterday and found out there was no heartbeat. The bleeding hasn't been bad and I haven't really had any cramping so I guess the worst is yet to come. I could see the baby on the monitor. The tech asked if I wanted to see and I said "no", but she left the screen on when I was changing so I looked. It was easy to see.

Scott and I are leaning on each other, our friends and family, and God to get us through this hard time. We're thankful for Brianna who can put a smile on our faces despite how we're feeling.

Pregnant Dreams

My dreams become so vivid when I'm pregnant that I think I should always be able to tell when I'm pregnant on that alone. The weirdest thing about my dreams is that I seem to dream about spiders a lot. I'm petrified of spiders and in all my dreams I have this terrible fear associated with them. They're always bigger than anything I've seen in real life and very threatening. I don't know what that means. I also dream that I am choking a lot. I wake up thinking that there is something in my mouth and I'm struggling to not swallow it. It's not always food either, sometimes it's an object like a ball. It makes me wake up really panicky. Luckily I haven't woken up thinking that I'm choking on a spider...I think that would give me a heart attack.

I'm having a hard time with this whole weaning thing. My family doctor told me I needed to wean because there wouldn't be enough nutrients, which I don't really believe (and with the amount I'm eating there has to be enough), but I'm eager to anyway because it's not that comfortable anymore. Brianna has 8 teeth that are becoming an issue throughout the whole feed. I also haven't been putting on much weight yet, and this morning the scale actually indicated that I've lost weight. I'm not sure how accurate my scale is, though, so I'm not sure if I should be concerned. I don't have an appointment with my OB for another 2 weeks so I can't discuss it with him until then.
I don't nurse that often anymore; it works out to be 2-3 times a day and then twice a night on average. She's been eating a decent amount of solid foods so I think she's doing well with nutrients even when she doesn't nurse often. I've started giving her cow's milk even though I've read a few times that babies under 12 months should be given formula instead. She's never had formula and I feel more comfortable with the milk. She also won't take a bottle, but sometimes I wish I had encouraged her to so that Scott could give her a bottle with warm milk at bedtime.
For those of you who have gone through the weaning...does just nursing at nap time and bedtime seem like a good start? What about nursing while pregnant? What did your doctors/midwives say about it?

News!

So big news over in Edmonton; I'm pregnant again! I'm 10 1/2 weeks along and I'm feeling great. I haven't had any morning sickness and I'm not even that much more tired. Baby number 2 is due to arrive in early October.

This is another reason I'll be going back to the daycare...I can cash in on mat leave again! I'll only be there until either we move, or I have the baby.

I haven't posted for a long time because I really don't know where to start. A lot has changed recently.

I'm no longer doing the home daycare and I've decided to go back to work at the daycare that I was at before. I went out with my old boss and she persuaded me to go back when Brianna is one. She can come with, butI won't be in the same room as her. I'll also be making more money than I would if I stayed home, even with paying for child care since the pay has gone up since I was there last. Scott and I weren't really sure if we wanted Bree to be at a daycare, but we figure it's a good opportunity for her to socialize with some other kids. She will only be there for a little while anyway since we're still hoping to move back to Kingston at the end of the summer. We're keeping our fingers crossed that it works out.

I had a meeting with my consultant from the day home agency yesterday and I think she was annoyed that I backed out. It does suck since I put so much time (and money) into preparing for the daycare, but I still plan to one day do it so I'll still use a lot of the stuff I bought. I plan on returning the things I don't need though. I was hoping that I could have taken care of some kids temporarily, but no such luck.

I still need some sort of a part time job so I'm applying at the grocery store near by. I'm really hoping that I can get something where I can just work 4 hours at a time when Scott is home so we'll keep our fingers crossed on that one too.

I'm also starting to wean Brianna, but I don't really know what I'm doing. I didn't want to do it this early, but I need to get rid of the daytime feeds at least if she'll be starting daycare. I've been trying to just nurse her at nap times, but sometimes I end up nursing because I think she'll go to sleep, but then she doesn't and I've put in an extra feed by accident. It doesn't help that she's all of a sudden completely uninterested in solid food. She was doing really well for a while, but now she only wants to eat a very limited number of things and she only eats a little. It's kind of stressful.

So that's all my news for now. I'm not feeling all that relaxed, but things will work themselves out.