Brianna now wakes up an average of twice a night now and this morning she slept in until 9:30! She was up at 8:00, and I thought she may have stayed up then, but after nursing her she fell back asleep. I took advantage of that and went back to sleep myself. She's been going to bed a little later lately with the holidays and I liked her earlier bedtime better, but I think I like this extra sleep in the mornings too!

Now that I'm not so sleep-deprived I feel so much better. My patience is better and I feel like I can get a lot more done during the day. I find myself doing my housework faster while Brianna is content to play in her exersaucer or playpen so then I have more time to relax when I get the chances. Also, now that I'm better rested, the thought of taking care of other children seems a lot less daunting.

Scott and I had always talked about how I would stay home with our kids and watch other children too so that I'd also have an income. After I had Brianna and found out how hard one baby was I wasn't so confident about my childcare abilities. I went to school for ECE with our plan in mind, but I became really scared about it. I'm starting to feel better though.

I'm going to have to start having a better routine with Bree so that she'll be used to it when we start having other kids here. I've always been pretty flexible with her; I've had a very loose routine with her. I'll continue to play thing by ear sometimes, but I need a bit more structure so she knows what to expect.

The only thing I'm still concerned about is nap time. I still put Brianna to sleep and we have our rituals for that that work for us. I'm not sure how that will work when I'm responsible for other people's kids too. I still want to be an attentive mother and not change things for Bree too much.

Here in Alberta there are government-run day homes for childcare and I'm looking into that since I don't know anyone who needs me. I emailed them and probably won't hear anything until after the new year. The families pay the day-home agency and then they pay me. I figure it might be the way to go; then I don't need to worry about the money part. I told them that I only want a couple kids that are 2-4 years and I'd like to start off part-time to ease Brianna into it. I hope it works out.

I have a few things I should be doing right now while Brianna is napping, but I've been wanting to blog for so long. I tidied up a bit and made some vegetarian chili for supper (I'm not a vegetarian, but I love the chili). I find that I judge myself as a wife and mother and how much I can get done in a day and I feel a little bad when Scott comes home from work and I don't have supper ready and the apartment is messy. I don't know why I do this to myself since I don't expect this from other women and I certainly didn't grow up in a household where my mother kept things in their place and had supper on the table at the end of the day. In fact, it was my dad who was at home with me most of the time and while he kept things basically tidy, he wasn't the male version of June Cleaver.

For some reason, though, I have set my expectations high for myself and then when I feel over-whelmed it makes me feel guilty for not being able to juggle everything - especially since I only have one child. I also forget to do things for myself quite often (like blogging). I've had a book out of the library for 6 weeks that I'm still only about a third of the way through and I have another one on hold that I need to pick up and read. I've read the current one before, but I'm trying to refresh my memory on the story since it's part of a series and the latest story is due out next year sometime (it's Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon, part of the Outlander series. I highly recommend the series to you). It's seven hundred and something pages long and I'm on page two-hundred and something. I've already had to renew it once and it's due back today so i'll either have to renew it again or give it up and try again later. Scott's constantly telling me that I should relax while Brianna is sleeping, but usually when I try to relax, I end up thinking about everything that I should be doing.

I'm going to have to work on this problem. I truly believe that women should take time for themselves and do what they enjoy so that they can be the best mothers/wives, but it's easier said than done for me.

A New Room

On Sunday night we decided it was time to move Brianna into her own room. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and we only intended for her to stay in our room for 6 months. I loved having her so close to me when she woke up in the night, and it had become a comfort for me to fall asleep listening to her breathe. She's a very light sleeper, though, and we thought maybe she'd sleep better without us making noise. We also couldn't go in and out of our room or talk in there while she was sleeping because she'd wake up.

So, on Sunday night I told Scott it was time to move her crib. The crib needs to be taken apart to go through the doors, so it's not something I can change my mind on. I felt really sad as we prepared her to go since it's a big step (for me, at least).

The first night she was up constantly. I think she was up five times, but it could have been six; sometimes the night becomes a blur when she's waking up so much. Monday night she was only up 4-5 times, and didn't get up for the day until 8:15; she's usually up closer to 7am. Then, last night she only woke up once! When Scott woke me up at 6:30 I couldn't believe the time. I don't usually have to get up with Scott in the mornings and he usually lets me sleep since I'm almost invariably up all night, but this morning I had take him to work so I could have the car for Brianna's doctor's appointment. I can't help but wonder how long she would have slept because I actually woke her up. I really hope that moving her to her own room is going to be the answer to her frequent night-wakings. It seems like she needed a little bit of time to adjust, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.