Diary of a not so Desperate Housewife

Jordan's Birth

2010-03-11T12:55:00.006-07:00

I thought I should write about when Jordan came into the world before I forget. It's been 9 weeks now.

When I was a week over-due I went to the hospital for a routine ultrasound; they do this with all women as they go past their date to make sure the baby is still thriving. I wasn't worried because I was feeling a lot of movement and I was told that the biggest concern would be how much water was left. I figured if there was enough water he would have enough space to move. I was wrong about that. He was moving enough and his muscle tone seemed great, but there wasn't enough amniotic fluid. The lady doing the ultrasound told me I would have to be admitted. I was really surprised. I hadn't brought anything with me and I had the car, which meant that Scott would have to find a way to get Brianna to my brother's and then find his way to the hospital. I fought back tears at this point because aside from the technicalities, the doctors would want to induce me and I was determined not to go down that road this time.

I walked down the hall and was told to wait for a doctor to assess me. I called Scott and my midwife (Karen) while I waited and Scott made arrangements to come see me and bring everything I needed. After a few hours of being in the hospital I was finally told that they'd like to induce me with oxytocin, but they didn't have enough staff so they sent me home. Karen was frustrated because she knew she could safely deliver the baby at the hospital and that staff would then not be an issue. The attending doctor that was on-call that evening, though, was not going to let her take care of me. She sent me home after doing a membrane sweep and gave me a list of other things that may help me go into labour on my own. So I went, and anticipated the call the next day to say they could take me in labour and delivery.

After calling the hospital a few times myself, I finally heard from them the next afternoon. It was about 2:00 in the afternoon when we took Brianna back to my brothers and I mentioned to Scott that I thought my contractions were becoming more regular; about 7 minutes apart, but not too strong. We arrived at the hospital and waited again to be assessed. Once again, though, I was told that they couldn't do anything that night. They said I could stay the night and wait to be induced in the morning or go home and come back. We were getting frustrated and I decided to just stay there. Scott was surprised that I wanted to sleep there if I didn't have to, but I was so tired of going back and forth and I had a feeling that I was going to go into labour on my own. The OB on duty that night was different and we explained to her that it was really important that our midwife do the delivery. She was very understanding, but she said that if I was induced then the care would be transferred to a doctor. I asked if I could still have Karen do the delivery if I went on my own and she said that she would be okay with it. That gave me hope, but I knew it had to happen before 7am the next morning when the other doctor that wouldn't allow it would be back. I called Karen to give her an update and hung out with Scott until 10pm. My contractions were getting stronger when he left so I'm not sure why I sent him away, but I told him to expect a call. I tried to sleep after and then around midnight I woke up with some pretty serious contractions about 3 minutes apart. I couldn't find the page button on my bed so I got up and hobbled to the nurse's station to get a doctor. The resident came to check me and said I wasn't in true labour, but I called Karen and Scott because I knew it was real and I didn't want to be alone. Karen suggested I get in the shower to help the pain. I got in there to wait until Scott came and let the hot water wash over me. I found the spray really irritating on my stomach during contractions, but it felt good on my back where I was also really feeling them. I just put a hot wash cloth on my stomach during contractions. When Scott arrived they decided to take me to a delivery room. Karen had just arrived then too and we were all glad that she would be the one doing the delivery if the baby seemed fine. I just had to have a fetal monitor strapped to me the whole time.

I was having a really hard time with the back labour so Karen had me get on all fours and drape my arms over the back of the bed to take the pressure off. During each contraction either she or Scott would put counter-pressure on my hips to help alleviate some of the pain. It helped a little, but only if they put their hands on me at the beginning of the contraction. If they touched me after it started to rise I couldn't stand it.

The hours went by slowly after that, but things were progressing pretty well. Every once in a while my contractions would slow down and we'd have to change positions for a while. Jordan was facing the wrong way and wasn't putting enough pressure on my cervix so the last few centimetres were difficult. We talked about breaking my water. It was going to have to be done so they could check for meconium in the fluid (something that would require a transfer to a doctor), but I was apprehensive because when my water was broken with Brianna my coping skills went out the window and I didn't want that to happen again. I knew that I was prolonging the inevitable though. I think it was around 7 in the morning that I finally let her break my water. I was happy that the pain didn't increase dramatically right away, but the contractions deifinitely got stronger. But still, the last 2 cm were just not getting there. Karen even tried to manually turn Jordan around, but he didn't stay. After Karen broke my water she called Mico, the midwife for Jordan, and my contractions continued to get stronger and more intense. They convinced me to move into the bathroom and sit on the toilet to open up my pelvis. I sat there for a few contractions and was having a really hard time. I kept breathing through each one, but I said I didn't think I could do it anymore. Karen said that's what women say just before they deliver their babies. I was scared, though, and even though I had a slight urge to push I didn't want to continue. I got back to the bed on my hands and knees and pushed a little. Karen didn't know that I was pushing yet, but with that little push I couldn't control it after that. She hadn't had a chance to check my dilation yet, but my body was ready. It was intense, scary and painful and could only look inside myself for the strength because nobody could do it except me. I was determined to get through the next phase quickly, though, so I gave it all that I had. After 15 minutes Jordan was born at 9:42am and I was exhausted. Everyone was proud of me because I finally had the birth I wanted and I did really well, apparently. I was just glad it was over.

Jordan Rain was a beautiful, healthy, chubby 9 lb 6 oz little boy and it felt wonderful to finally hold him and nurse him. I am proud of myself for having the natural birth I wanted. It took me a while to feel that way, though, since it was obviously more intense than Brianna's birth. Right afterward I said I wasn't sure if I would go naturally again because I really didn't like the pushing phase like most women do, but I've gotten to the point now that I can appreciate it more. I'm just glad it wasn't 2 hours again this time!

I'm feeling a little moody these days...

2010-01-04T11:41:00.003-07:00

I'm now a week away from my due date and I've sort of calmed down a little. Last week I went into panic mode thinking this little guy was going to arrive early, but who am I kidding? He'll be late. I see the midwife tomorrow and maybe she'll have an idea. Or not.
Today for some reason I looked at his little clothes arranged in his dresser and smelled them (I don't know what possessed me) and they smelled like a dirty, old musky basement and I was suddenly really upset. The dresser came from a basement and the smell hasn't disappeared like I thought it would. I took everything out of it and told Scott we're simply going to have to get a new dresser (hopefully I can find one for a decent price that's new, or in good condition and not stinky. I have a lead at United Furniture Warehouse). I freaked out just before Brianna was born too, about cat hair. I almost got rid of our cats because there was too much hair that I couldn't get rid of. Maybe it's normal to suddenly get irrational about things at this stage in pregnancy, or maybe it's just me.
I'm also at that point in the pregnancy that I'm feeling quite ready to be comfortable again. I've had a pretty easy go of things this time around (and with Bree too), but it's difficult sleeping and I want normal clothes again.
Hopefully by sometime next week, though, we'll have our new little son and I can become rational and less moody....or just more so, we'll see. At least I'll be bale to sleep on my stomach again!

Getting excited about Christmas...

2009-11-19T18:30:00.002-07:00

I've been really excited about Christmas since the summer this year. It's so exciting now that Brianna is old enough to get excited about it and it's made it so much more magical for me. I'm looking forward to all the festivities that happen and also to finally spending Christmas with our families! We're going to the Santa Claus parade on Saturday which should be great. She really likes Christmas decorations (much better than the Halloween ones that made her a little nervous) and the fact that the floats will be lit up will make it even better. The parade in Edmonton was actually kind of a disappointment which surprised me since it was a big city. They did it inside the City Centre Mall Which has a series of pedways connecting it all around the downtown) since it's usually so cold outside and instead of floats they had people pulling wagons. It didn't have the same appeal for me.

I think I've also convinced Scott to go to Upper Canada Village some night for their light festival. They have all sorts of children's activities and neat things to see. Scott's not excited, but I think Bree (and I) will really like it.

We won't put our tree up right away in December, but Scott is talking about putting up a few lights outside and I bought a little Fisher Price Little People nativity that Brianna can play with (but it has to stay in the same spot!). I like the idea of having a little nativity that the kids get excited about seeing every year when it comes out. I always liked the nativity that my parents displayed, but we weren't allowed to touch it.

Aside from the commercial side of Christmas, which I won't deny that I enjoy, I've been trying to get Brianna to think about the importance of giving to people in need. We've been talking a lot about what we have and some people don't and she got really into the Operation Christmas Child shoebox. She's been talking a lot about "the little girl that's far away" that will get the box with everything we put in it. I also want to get an advent wreath and read stories and reflections every week and start that tradition. It's something that I always liked as a little girl too.

friends

2009-11-04T14:04:00.002-07:00

This morning I was doing some housework while Brianna was playing in her bedroom alone. She often wants me to play with her instead of cleaning and I usually try to get through my chores quickly so I don't feel so guilty. Today she had her door closed and she had Tyke, one our cats in there with her. She loves to have him trapped in there, but he doesn't enjoy it so much. I usually allow it until I hear her chasing him into a corner yelling at him. I had an armload of her toys and I opened her door to put them in there. Tyke was out the door as soon as there was space for him to squeeze through. Brianna all of a sudden had her bottom lip out and tears in her eyes and she said, "I need Tyke to come back in here because he's my friend!" She said this which such earnest in her voice that I felt kind of bad, but then, wiping her tears away and trying not to cry she said, "maybe you can be my friend now, Mommy." Let the guilt trip begin!

7 months, 5 days

2009-11-02T11:08:00.003-07:00

March 28th was way too long ago. Time to try this again. I can't promise that I'll be better, but I'll try to do better than 7 months and 5 days.

We're pretty settled at our new home now. I'm happy to have more space and our own yard (even though we don't play in it very often) and it's nice to be somewhere quiet. It isn't my dream home, but I'm happy for now.

I think Brianna misses the daycare and playing with all her friends. She really likes to see her cousin Alexa, who's 4, and sometimes her distant cousin Kristin when I go to the mom's group at the Christian Reform church. We didn't go last week because I was paranoid about all the kids who are sick everywhere and this week is a hymn sing which I'm not into. We'll go back next week, though, and we're immunized now so I won't worry so much. I'm probably worrying more than necessary, but I can't help it with the way the media has gone crazy with everything.

I'm really enjoying getting to know my midwife, Karen; she seems a good fit for me. At the last appointment she asked where we were planning on having the baby and I said hospital, but I'm not really opposed to a home birth either. Scott's always been the one a little more hesitant on that front. It freaks me out a little when I think of the mess (silly, I know) and I'm not sure about Brianna. One the one hand I think it would be great to not have to ship her off to someone's house while I'm in labour, especially if it's the middle of the night. On the other hand, though, if she's here I guess I'd need someone to be with her and I can't think of anyone that I'd feel comfortable asking. The idea of her being here makes me feel better, though. I'm pretty sure that if she wasn't I'd be worried about her. The other thing about a home birth I like is that I can just be in my bed afterward. I hate sleeping in a hospital; it's too noisy, uncomfortable and bright. We'll be going to an information session at the clinic next month. I also like that I don't have to commit to anything right now and I could decide in the middle of everything what I want to do. I suppose I should pre-register at the hospital just in case, though.

2009-03-28T15:10:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading the Twilight series and, if you haven't read it, it was very good. I never would have picked it up if Scott hadn't given me the first book for Christmas. Now I'm among the followers. I'm not crazy like some of them , though. Next I have to continue reading my Outlander series since there's a new book due out in the fall. I'm re-reading the first 6 books to refresh my memory. I've never read a book twice before; I never saw a point. I'm absolutely in love with the books, though. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, they are written by Diana Gabaldon. It's a historical fiction (with some romance thrown in for good measure) about a woman who accidentally gets thrown back to 18th century Scotland and because of circumstances end up marrying and falling in love with a warrior from then. It stretches out through many years and real life wars and it's very good. I didn't used to be much of a reader, but after Brianna was born I started to read more often.

Even though it is officially spring, the weather hasn't been co-operating. It's still been cold and snowy. We've ahad a few days above zero, but nothing to significantly melt any snow. We just get a bunch of puddles that end up freezing and being hazardous. I'm really looking forward to warm weather being permanent. The last two winters here didn't really bother me, but this one has been really long and I'm done with it. My brain is telling me it's spring, though, and I feel my spirits lifting slightly and I'm thinking of spring cleaning. We have the week after Easter off so I'm hoping that along with a trip to the mountains to ski and a trip to the Calgary zoo that I can do some purging around the apartment. I usually enjoy that (until I encounter spiders).

I'm hoping to make our eventual move back to Ontario easier by taking stock of what we have and what to keep or get rid of. I feel confident that the move will happen soon, but it drives me nuts not having a hard time line. We plan to have the application for the transfer in within the next month, but after that it will be out of our hands. We just hope that we don't have to wait to long and we'll be in Kingston by summer. I prefer summers there to here since there are better places to swim and camp. To me camping and swimming go hand-in-hand, but there isn't a lot of lakes here, and the few around aren't worth swimming in with all the pipe-lines running through the province. I hope to be visiting Sandbanks or Charleston Lake this summer.

Christmas Spirit

2008-11-29T16:54:00.002-07:00

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. Brianna will be able to appreciate it more and I love experiencing this for the first time again through her eyes. We went for a walk the other night to see how many Christmas lights were up and she would get so excited when she spotted another house. We're eagerly anticipating when Candycane Lane is all lit up close to our house so we can walk over and see the abundance of lights. It's just a neighbourhood that has been getting into the spirit for years and it's a tradition for thousands of people to come and see it.

We'll be putting our Christmas tree up next weekend and I hope to get some holiday baking done too. Scott has been busy making Christmas cd's with our favourite classics so we can play them while we're doing everything together.

Scott and I both have the week between Christmas and New Year's off and it will be nice to spend that time together as a family. We're hoping to make it to Jasper for a couple nights so Scott can ski and Bree and I can do some wintery stuff around town.

2008-08-21T15:08:00.003-06:00

I think there is some fancy way for people to see when I've updated my blog, so in the off-chance that someone still checks-in I'll update.

We're on holidays this week and it's going to be hard to go back to work on Monday. The holiday didn't start off great; both Scott and Brianna were sick. We haven't done much yet since everyone has been better, but we've had some good intentions. I tried to take Bree to the beach the other day when Scott was sick in bed. I drove almost an hour to the other side of Stoney Plain just to discover that the beach was closed. I was pretty annoyed that there was no indication on their web site. Beaches that aren't too polluted to swim in are few and far between in Alberta. We also intended to go to the water park last night, but Brianna had a very late nap and that didn't work out. We're still hoping to go to Fort Edmonton sometime this week. We have managed to get a good hike in around the Fort's perimeter last night, though.

We're still striving for our goal of moving back to Kingston, but we haven't made much progress and still have no idea of when it will happen. I'm so eager to get back there, though, and it's so hard being away from family and friends. It was hard when we decided not to go for this week since my brother, Travis, and his wife and kids were visiting Kingston from Saint John. They haven't even met Brianna and I haven't met their latest addition to the family. I'm just praying that we'll be there by next spring, but we don't know.

Whirlwind

2008-05-26T13:07:00.005-06:00

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately. Brianna turned one last weekend and we had Scott's parents here to celebrate with us. We had a really nice time and Scott and I went out for the first time since Bree was born by ourselves. We went to The Olive Garden for supper and then to the movies to see "Made of Honor". I thought the movie was cute, but I think Scott was just okay with it since it was very much your typical chick-flick. It was our anniversary outing because we were married 5 years this past Saturday.

We also had a birthday party for Brianna on the 18th since her birthday was the 20th. It was lots of fun and the cake was really good. Since I had guests for the weekend I didn't make a cake myself. I ordered one from Safeway that was decorated with a Sesame Street theme. It had two layers (one chocolate, one vanilla), and it had custard in between. We also ordered a couple of sushi platters from the only sushi place that we've found to be any good here.

Brianna also started at the daycare on Wednesday and I started work. It was a really stressful week for us as we tried to adjust. She didn't nap very well on any of the three days so she was really grumpy and not herself when I came home. I work until 6 so there isn't a lot of time to spend with her before bed and it's even less time when she's tired. I also feel bad waking her up early in the morning when she's so tired. I hope we all adjust soon. We came home early today, though, because Brianna was having a hard time breathing because of her cold. She had the same thing happen back in February. She had a normal cold and then after a couple days we noticed her breathing was really raspy and fast so we took her to the doctor and she was given a bronchial dilator. Since the same thing happened today I had to bring her home and give her her puffer. It helped almost right away and now she's sleeping. I hope she has a good nap so she'll get better faster. I'll probably take her back to daycare tomorrow (assuming she's doing ok) and bring her puffer with me.

Everyone has told me that I'll get used to taking her to daycare and she'll adjust. I'm sure it will get easier, but I'll never feel like it's the ideal situation for us. My vocation in life is to just be a mom and wife; that's where my priorities are and we always planned for me to stay home. This situation is motivating me to be pro-active in making that happen. When I decided to go back to the daycare I was pregnant and knew the situation at the daycare would be temporary; now that I'm not pregnant I don't know how long it will be and that makes me anxious. I admire parents who can do what they need to do for their kids and accept it even if they aren't happy with it, but it's hard for me. I really hope and pray that we can buy a house somewhere soon(preferably Kingston, but at this point I'm not feeling picky) so that I can finally have a suitable place to have a home daycare and stay home.

Good stuff

2008-04-25T14:32:00.003-06:00

Brianna has slept entirely through the night for 2 nights in a row now and this afternoon she fell asleep all by herself without crying. I'm very happy about this. She's also down to nursing at bedtime and in the morning only and there wasn't any stress about losing the other times. After I was stressing about not pushing her she just kind of let go a little. It's funny how that worked out.

I'm also happy that spring is here (again) and the snow is melting (again). Hopefully we've seen the last of the snow and we can stop wearing jackets. Pushing a stroller is really difficult on snowy sidewalks, especially when it warms up a little and it's all heavy and slushy.

We're taking Brianna to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time tomorrow and then going to her fist birthday party on Sunday. Her friend Olivia is turning 1. It's making me excited about her birthday next month.

2008-04-21T08:22:00.002-06:00

It's winter here again. We got tons of snow over the weekend and there's still more to come; it's not really welcome. Despite the terrible weather yesterday I went to church with Brianna. I went to the Alliance church here in the west end finally. I put off going because I didn't think I'd like it since it's so huge, but I was pleasantly surprised . I can't really put my finger on why I liked it since I didn't really get to hear much of the message and I didn't really talk to anyone, but there's something nice about it. Brianna was with me for about three quarters of the service and was pretty restless. Eventually an usher approached me and asked me if I'd like her to be in the nursery. I wasn't too sure about it, but once I got her there I felt comfortable with it. They have a good system that made me feel like no strangers were going to steal her so I left her in there. Much to my surprise she didn't mind being left there at all. She was only in there for about 15-20 minutes, but she didn't cry at all. That makes me less scared about putting her in daycare in a month. I'm also glad that I can finally go to church and not stress about her disturbing everyone around us.

nursing

2008-04-06T11:43:00.002-06:00

Brianna isn't ready to wean yet and I don't want to push her. She can easily go most of the day without nursing and she can fall asleep without it if we dance with her, but if I don't want to dance with her then nursing is pretty much the only way (aside from taking her for a walk or drive). I'm stressed out because I don't know how things will be for her at the daycare; I don't want it to be difficult for her. My hope is that she will be so tired from all the stimulation and the nap routine will be so different that she will just sleep easily. It will be really hard on me if I can hear her crying and I can't do anything about it. I'm going to nurse her before we go to the daycare and also when we get home. I'm hoping that nursing at different times will help her have her "mommy time" so that she won't feel traumatized. if I wasn't going back to work I wouldn't even be trying to wean. I thought I wanted to wean her, but I don't. I also enjoy the closeness. I wanted to stop sometime in her second year, but my plan was always to make it really gradual so it would be easy on both of us. Hopefully nursing her more when it's not nap time at home will help us both get what we need.

Saturday

2008-04-05T10:44:00.002-06:00

Saturdays are always good days for me because Scott gets up with Brianna and takes her out and I have the place to myself. Unfortunately, I often spend it cleaning, but I feel better when it's done and I can relax then. For some reason in my head I had it in my head that I was going to go for a run this morning. The snow was pretty much gone and the days were longer so I thought I could try again. I woke up to a lot of snow and didn't feel up to it anymore though. I still haven't eaten my breakfast and I still could, but it doesn't seem as appealing with all the snow. I'm just really determined to eventually be able to run without wanting to die. It's been a life-long battle between my determination and laziness. So far laziness is winning.

Scott's on holidays next week and it will be really nice to have him around. On Monday I have to have an ultrasound just to make sure that my uterus is clearing out and then Tuesday morning I'm taking Brianna to a sign language and singing group at the library. As soon as that is done we're heading to Calgary to stay at a hotel and go to the zoo. Bree loves animals and I've heard good things about the zoo there. I was pretty disappointed in the one here; it doesn't have very many animals and the ones that are there are living in pretty small areas.

Everything happens for a reason?

2008-03-26T12:57:00.003-06:00

For those of you who don't yet know, we've lost our little baby before even knowing him or her. I started spotting on Sunday, and after being told by an emergency room doctor that things were fine, I had an ultrasound yesterday and found out there was no heartbeat. The bleeding hasn't been bad and I haven't really had any cramping so I guess the worst is yet to come. I could see the baby on the monitor. The tech asked if I wanted to see and I said "no", but she left the screen on when I was changing so I looked. It was easy to see.

Scott and I are leaning on each other, our friends and family, and God to get us through this hard time. We're thankful for Brianna who can put a smile on our faces despite how we're feeling.

Pregnant Dreams

2008-03-20T12:44:00.003-06:00

My dreams become so vivid when I'm pregnant that I think I should always be able to tell when I'm pregnant on that alone. The weirdest thing about my dreams is that I seem to dream about spiders a lot. I'm petrified of spiders and in all my dreams I have this terrible fear associated with them. They're always bigger than anything I've seen in real life and very threatening. I don't know what that means. I also dream that I am choking a lot. I wake up thinking that there is something in my mouth and I'm struggling to not swallow it. It's not always food either, sometimes it's an object like a ball. It makes me wake up really panicky. Luckily I haven't woken up thinking that I'm choking on a spider...I think that would give me a heart attack.

2008-03-19T13:55:00.004-06:00

I'm having a hard time with this whole weaning thing. My family doctor told me I needed to wean because there wouldn't be enough nutrients, which I don't really believe (and with the amount I'm eating there has to be enough), but I'm eager to anyway because it's not that comfortable anymore. Brianna has 8 teeth that are becoming an issue throughout the whole feed. I also haven't been putting on much weight yet, and this morning the scale actually indicated that I've lost weight. I'm not sure how accurate my scale is, though, so I'm not sure if I should be concerned. I don't have an appointment with my OB for another 2 weeks so I can't discuss it with him until then.
I don't nurse that often anymore; it works out to be 2-3 times a day and then twice a night on average. She's been eating a decent amount of solid foods so I think she's doing well with nutrients even when she doesn't nurse often. I've started giving her cow's milk even though I've read a few times that babies under 12 months should be given formula instead. She's never had formula and I feel more comfortable with the milk. She also won't take a bottle, but sometimes I wish I had encouraged her to so that Scott could give her a bottle with warm milk at bedtime.
For those of you who have gone through the weaning...does just nursing at nap time and bedtime seem like a good start? What about nursing while pregnant? What did your doctors/midwives say about it?

News!

2008-03-16T22:58:00.003-06:00

So big news over in Edmonton; I'm pregnant again! I'm 10 1/2 weeks along and I'm feeling great. I haven't had any morning sickness and I'm not even that much more tired. Baby number 2 is due to arrive in early October.

This is another reason I'll be going back to the daycare...I can cash in on mat leave again! I'll only be there until either we move, or I have the baby.

2008-03-12T11:14:00.003-06:00

I haven't posted for a long time because I really don't know where to start. A lot has changed recently.

I'm no longer doing the home daycare and I've decided to go back to work at the daycare that I was at before. I went out with my old boss and she persuaded me to go back when Brianna is one. She can come with, butI won't be in the same room as her. I'll also be making more money than I would if I stayed home, even with paying for child care since the pay has gone up since I was there last. Scott and I weren't really sure if we wanted Bree to be at a daycare, but we figure it's a good opportunity for her to socialize with some other kids. She will only be there for a little while anyway since we're still hoping to move back to Kingston at the end of the summer. We're keeping our fingers crossed that it works out.

I had a meeting with my consultant from the day home agency yesterday and I think she was annoyed that I backed out. It does suck since I put so much time (and money) into preparing for the daycare, but I still plan to one day do it so I'll still use a lot of the stuff I bought. I plan on returning the things I don't need though. I was hoping that I could have taken care of some kids temporarily, but no such luck.

I still need some sort of a part time job so I'm applying at the grocery store near by. I'm really hoping that I can get something where I can just work 4 hours at a time when Scott is home so we'll keep our fingers crossed on that one too.

I'm also starting to wean Brianna, but I don't really know what I'm doing. I didn't want to do it this early, but I need to get rid of the daytime feeds at least if she'll be starting daycare. I've been trying to just nurse her at nap times, but sometimes I end up nursing because I think she'll go to sleep, but then she doesn't and I've put in an extra feed by accident. It doesn't help that she's all of a sudden completely uninterested in solid food. She was doing really well for a while, but now she only wants to eat a very limited number of things and she only eats a little. It's kind of stressful.

So that's all my news for now. I'm not feeling all that relaxed, but things will work themselves out.

2008-02-17T19:19:00.004-07:00

I'm still waiting to have my daycare, but at this point it's mostly out of my hands as I wait for documents in the mail and a doctor's appointment to pass a physical. I don't need to complain about it anymore. Scott helped me out a lot with the preparations and helped me keep my sanity. Now I'm just looking forward to getting started.

We've been trying to get Brianna to fall asleep in her crib lately because once I have other kids here I won't be able to sit in her room with her for a long time while she falls asleep. She's also getting too heavy for us to bounce around or walk with until she sleeps. I'm not a fan of leaving the room while she frantically cries in her room, so instead we've come up with a routine that is working.

After a nice bath (her favourite) we read a few books and then I take her out into the living room to nurse her while I talk to Scott or watch TV. I don't really want her to fall asleep nursing anymore so this seems to work to keep her somewhat distracted, but it still relaxes her. After that I take her into her room and hang on to her and cuddle with her with the lights out. This part varies in time depending on how she's feeling, but most of the time she relaxes in my arms and then I can lay her down in her crib while she's still awake. She doesn't usually fuss about it, but if she does I can usually calm her down by just rubbing her back or head. If she gets really upset I pick her up again until she's calm and try again. The first night of trying this new routine took over an hour of picking her up and putting her back down again. She wasn't crying because she was sad; she was pissed. I wasn't really sure if my plan was going to work. The next night, though, it only took 10 minutes. We've been doing it every night and at nap time for just over a week and it's working great. I don't have to spend very much time in her room with her anymore. I just have to be sure she's tired enough or else she'll just try and play. She still wakes up a few times during the night and I will nurse her back to sleep if she's hungry, but sometimes I don't have to. I'll worry about the middle of the night routine later.

A Rant...

2008-01-28T22:11:00.001-07:00

I've been stressed out lately and it's making me lose sleep. The combination of stress and lack of sleep has made me absent-minded and cranky. The reason I've been so stressed out is because I'm getting ready to open up my daycare and I'm finding it really over-whelming. I'm going through an agency because I thought it would be the easier route, but I get really tense when I think about it.

The good thing about going through an agency is that they will find kids for me so I don't have to worry about not knowing anyone. They'll also take care of the money side of things and because they're accredited, I'll actually get government wage enhancement - being a level 3 ECE makes the enhancement enticing too. They also will find back-up care for the kids if either Brianna or I are sick. These are all the things that made me choose an agency instead of going privately.

The things that make me feel over-whelmed are all the things I need to do to prepare for the day home. I was somewhat ready for the things that they would tell me, but I've been surprised more than once. I have to do some re-arranging of my bedroom because that's where the two kids will be napping. We have a cedar chest that Scott's grandfather made us and apparently it's not safe because the kids may pinch their fingers, so we need to move that somewhere else. Our bedside tables can have no cosmetics (like hand cream and such) on them. This is just a little thing and not really a big deal, but just bugs me because it's on top of a bunch of other things. I always put on hand cream before I go to bed (because it's so dry here); I don't put it on before coming into the bedroom because then my hands will be slimy when I open the door. I also have to put child-proof locks on a bunch of cupboards; I'm ok with that one. I have to buy a container that I can lock with a pad lock and keep the key elsewhere for medications. The box then needs to be put up high out of reach. I need to clear a medical exam. I don't have a doctor, so this will likely result in a bunch of tests since no doctor here knows anything about my history. The one person who would know most things is my ob/gyn and I don't think I could go see him for that. We also need to get the cats their vaccines. This really bothered me when I found out because it's going to be really expensive to get all three done. They've all had shots in the past, but none of them have been outside since, so we haven't bothered because of the expense.

On top of the things I need to do to the apartment, I have a lot of paperwork to do. I have to do program plans and meal plans and fill out a lot of forms. I wasn't expecting that. I've never been one to get phased by this kind of stuff, but for some reason all this is bugging me.

This may sound very "complainy", but I feel like there's so much to do. I know they have standards and I can appreciate that, but I feel like if I just did a private daycare it would be a lot easier. Doing it privately worries me though because I don't know how much money I would make and since I don't know anyone I'd be worried about getting people who didn't pay me.

I've never been one to like rules. It's not that I'm a rebel, but I prefer things to be more relaxed. I think the fact that they are coming into my home and telling me what I need to do to it also rubs me the wrong way. Most of the things they're asking me to do I'm not even doing with Brianna here and I think she's safe. I do supervise kids; I don't put them in a rubber room and hope for the best.

I'll likely just stick with the agency and once I get all the crap out of the way first it will be ok. I just hope it doesn't take too long to get a couple kids; they told me it may take a while because I want 2-4 year olds instead of younger kids.

I hope this doesn't come across too negative, but I really can't help it. I'm really feeling pretty negative about the whole thing.

2007-12-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

Brianna now wakes up an average of twice a night now and this morning she slept in until 9:30! She was up at 8:00, and I thought she may have stayed up then, but after nursing her she fell back asleep. I took advantage of that and went back to sleep myself. She's been going to bed a little later lately with the holidays and I liked her earlier bedtime better, but I think I like this extra sleep in the mornings too!

Now that I'm not so sleep-deprived I feel so much better. My patience is better and I feel like I can get a lot more done during the day. I find myself doing my housework faster while Brianna is content to play in her exersaucer or playpen so then I have more time to relax when I get the chances. Also, now that I'm better rested, the thought of taking care of other children seems a lot less daunting.

Scott and I had always talked about how I would stay home with our kids and watch other children too so that I'd also have an income. After I had Brianna and found out how hard one baby was I wasn't so confident about my childcare abilities. I went to school for ECE with our plan in mind, but I became really scared about it. I'm starting to feel better though.

I'm going to have to start having a better routine with Bree so that she'll be used to it when we start having other kids here. I've always been pretty flexible with her; I've had a very loose routine with her. I'll continue to play thing by ear sometimes, but I need a bit more structure so she knows what to expect.

The only thing I'm still concerned about is nap time. I still put Brianna to sleep and we have our rituals for that that work for us. I'm not sure how that will work when I'm responsible for other people's kids too. I still want to be an attentive mother and not change things for Bree too much.

Here in Alberta there are government-run day homes for childcare and I'm looking into that since I don't know anyone who needs me. I emailed them and probably won't hear anything until after the new year. The families pay the day-home agency and then they pay me. I figure it might be the way to go; then I don't need to worry about the money part. I told them that I only want a couple kids that are 2-4 years and I'd like to start off part-time to ease Brianna into it. I hope it works out.

2007-12-19T14:18:00.001-07:00

I have a few things I should be doing right now while Brianna is napping, but I've been wanting to blog for so long. I tidied up a bit and made some vegetarian chili for supper (I'm not a vegetarian, but I love the chili). I find that I judge myself as a wife and mother and how much I can get done in a day and I feel a little bad when Scott comes home from work and I don't have supper ready and the apartment is messy. I don't know why I do this to myself since I don't expect this from other women and I certainly didn't grow up in a household where my mother kept things in their place and had supper on the table at the end of the day. In fact, it was my dad who was at home with me most of the time and while he kept things basically tidy, he wasn't the male version of June Cleaver.

For some reason, though, I have set my expectations high for myself and then when I feel over-whelmed it makes me feel guilty for not being able to juggle everything - especially since I only have one child. I also forget to do things for myself quite often (like blogging). I've had a book out of the library for 6 weeks that I'm still only about a third of the way through and I have another one on hold that I need to pick up and read. I've read the current one before, but I'm trying to refresh my memory on the story since it's part of a series and the latest story is due out next year sometime (it's Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon, part of the Outlander series. I highly recommend the series to you). It's seven hundred and something pages long and I'm on page two-hundred and something. I've already had to renew it once and it's due back today so i'll either have to renew it again or give it up and try again later. Scott's constantly telling me that I should relax while Brianna is sleeping, but usually when I try to relax, I end up thinking about everything that I should be doing.

I'm going to have to work on this problem. I truly believe that women should take time for themselves and do what they enjoy so that they can be the best mothers/wives, but it's easier said than done for me.

A New Room

2007-12-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night we decided it was time to move Brianna into her own room. She'll be 7 months old tomorrow and we only intended for her to stay in our room for 6 months. I loved having her so close to me when she woke up in the night, and it had become a comfort for me to fall asleep listening to her breathe. She's a very light sleeper, though, and we thought maybe she'd sleep better without us making noise. We also couldn't go in and out of our room or talk in there while she was sleeping because she'd wake up.

So, on Sunday night I told Scott it was time to move her crib. The crib needs to be taken apart to go through the doors, so it's not something I can change my mind on. I felt really sad as we prepared her to go since it's a big step (for me, at least).

The first night she was up constantly. I think she was up five times, but it could have been six; sometimes the night becomes a blur when she's waking up so much. Monday night she was only up 4-5 times, and didn't get up for the day until 8:15; she's usually up closer to 7am. Then, last night she only woke up once! When Scott woke me up at 6:30 I couldn't believe the time. I don't usually have to get up with Scott in the mornings and he usually lets me sleep since I'm almost invariably up all night, but this morning I had take him to work so I could have the car for Brianna's doctor's appointment. I can't help but wonder how long she would have slept because I actually woke her up. I really hope that moving her to her own room is going to be the answer to her frequent night-wakings. It seems like she needed a little bit of time to adjust, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

2007-11-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let people out there know that Brianna will be getting baptized on December 9th so we'll be at Rustle. If you want to say hi to us we'd love to see you!

Stink

2007-11-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'm really looking forward to eventually having a house of our own so I don't have to smell everything coming from other people's apartment. When I was pregnant, and my smell was really sensitive and I had an aversion to everything, I used to love to get outside of the daycare where I couldn't smell the cooking from the kitchen, people's perfume, and the diaper odours. When I'd step through my door in the evening, though, the smell of other people's dinner cooking would turn my stomach and there was no escape from it. The smells were so strong (to me, at least) and I couldn't stand it. Now that we're in a new place and I'm not pregnant, I'm still bothered by the smells from other people's suites seeping through the vents and under the doors. In our bedroom you can sometimes smell cigarette smoke from our neighbour. He reminds me of Pigpen from Peanuts because when I knock on their door (he and his wife mange the building) a cloud of smoke comes barreling out the door as he opens it. It bugs me the most when I smell it at night because Brianna still sleeps in our room.

This morning when I got up I came out of the bedroom and my nose was assaulted with the smell of garbage. I did a quick check of my own garbage and came to the conclusion that it was probably coming from the neighbours upstairs since aside from the smoky neighbours, (who are beside our bedroom so I would have smelled it in there), they're the only ones connected with our suite. Our bathroom quite often smells a bit like sewage too, and I think that's coming from the pipes.

This all reminds me of when I lived on Collingwood Street in Kingston with Shaun Weima and Scott in an upstairs apartment in a house. The guys who lived downstairs were students who really had it out for Shaun because he recorded music and had parties late into the night (this was also a problem for Scott). I don't know if it was because they didn't like us, or if they were just plain filthy, but the smell of garbage when you would walk in the front door downstairs was nauseating. We routinely sprayed Lysol in the foyer outside their door to try and mask the odour, but the two smells together were almost worse. I'm pretty sure if I smelled that scent of Lysol now it would make me sick. The worst part was that my bedroom was right over top of their kitchen where they kept their garbage and it all came up through my vent. It was terrible. When they finally moved out, the landlord told Scott about the piles upon piles of garbage bags that were in their kitchen; he was pretty sure they had never put the garbage out the whole time they lived there.

I've usually been one to open a window to get fresh air into my place instead of lighting candles or spraying air fresheners, but I think I'm going to have to get some of those new Oust candles that claim to get rid of smells. It's getting cold here and next week it's going to be in the -20's so I don't think I'll be able to open the window much longer.

Some Pictures...

2007-11-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Bree's been sleeping a lot better most nights lately and so am I! She's been waking up between 7&8 and I'd rather get up when it wasn't dark out, but I can deal.

Update: I had to say something...two nights in a row now that Bree hasn't slept well at all.

sleeping

2007-11-01T10:41:00.001-06:00

I keep reading that Brianna should be able to soothe herself to sleep now that she's just over 5 months old. She can't, really. Sometimes in the mornings or in the middle of the night she fusses I barely wake up and I turn on her Fisher-Price rain forest thing and she falls back asleep, but the actual falling asleep for nap time or for the night still relies on her being walked or nursed. I'm not really sure what I should be doing. I'm not into letting her cry, like most articles tell me, but they don't seem to give many other options. One I read today said that you can have a routine, and then put her down still awake so she can fall asleep on her own. It said that if the baby gets upset you can soothe them with your voice or by rubbing their back. Maybe this is the way to go, I don't know. Today for her nap I put Brianna in her crib and sat down to read in the rocking chair next to her. She didn't cry, but she kicked around a lot and "talked" to her mobile. I thought maybe she didn't realize it was sleep time so I went to my usual walking-back-and-forth-in-the-hallway method. Within minutes her eyes were getting droopy so I took her back to the crib and laid her down. She started to cry, not frantically, but she wasn't happy about being put down. I tried gently rubbing her head, which often works to calm her down if she becomes restless in the night. She stopped crying, but she no longer looked like she was going to fall asleep. I tried again with the walking and I sat in the rocking chair for a while, but she just wanted to sit up and look around the room instead. Finally I nursed her and she was asleep almost right away and I put her down in her crib. I know that eventually I have to let her fall asleep on her own, but I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how much fussing I should accept or if I should just continue to put her to sleep myself. I have no problem putting her to sleep myself, but I feel like a bad parent because of everything I'm reading.

2007-10-16T15:31:00.000-06:00

I'm on my second day of being a stay-at-home-mom all by myself and so far it's going well. I usually try to get my bigger cleaning chores done at the beginning of the week so yesterday was a little more hectic, especially since Brianna only slept for an hour the whole day. Even so, I managed to get everything done on my list and still go to the park so Brianna could have some fresh air.

Today I didn't have as much to do, but while she was sleeping I cleaned the office, which I've wanted to do for a long time. After she woke up and we played for a while I took her for a walk to London Drugs to buy diapers that were on sale and now she's sleeping again! I like my job.

We're going to be home in December! We'll be flying into Ottawa December 1st and staying at Scott's parents' place until the 12th. We're planning on getting Brianna baptized while we're there too. December 9th is the date and Al is going to do it for us. We're really excited to see everyone and happy that Brianna will still be a baby when people get to meet her.

Change

2007-10-12T15:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we took Brianna to the doctor for her 4 1/2 months check-up and it went really well. The doctor was impressed by her development and thought that she had quite the personality (she really is a character). I mentioned how Brianna used to sleep in 5 or 7 hour stretches, but now she seems to wake up and want to nurse every 2-4 hours. It's not a huge deal; she usually goes back to sleep pretty easily afterwards, but it's tiring me out a bit. She suggested that we start with some rice cereal now since she seems to be needing more food. It was an exciting idea to try something new with her so last night we gave her a tiny bit of cereal. She didn't really seem too sure of it; she spit most of it out. I don't really think she's ready yet. Aside from that, it just seems like it's too soon just based on her age. I sort of think that she's getting enough food since she's waking me up all the time. It's not much fun, but I think I'm going to have to suck it up for a few more weeks until she's ready for different food. Besides, I know that giving her solid food might not even ensure a longer sleep.

This is Scott's last weekend before he goes back to work so I made a big pot of vegetarian chili for myself so that I can freeze it in small amounts and have a healthy lunch with little preparation while I'm alone. I'm really looking forward to seeing how I do at my dream job all by myself.

A nice weekend

2007-10-09T22:01:00.000-06:00

This past weekend we went to a wedding in Waterton Lakes national Park. The wedding was in the park and the festivities were in small towns in the area. We were worried about the drive down there since Brianna HATES being in her car seat. Most car rides involve her screaming, and red-faced in the back seat. Thanks to a rather restless sleep on her part the night before she slept through almost the entire ride and cried very little.

The 5 hour drive is really quite beautiful. I've done the drive between Edmonton and Red Deer a few times and it's nice to be in rural areas. As we got closer to Calgary the scenery changed slightly to see the mountains in the distance and beyond Calgary the trees diminished and the land was flat in some areas and rolling with hills in others. I've always loved the foothills. I think I might even like them more than the actual mountains. There's something peaceful in their smooth continuity and I feel sad that I won't be close to them when we move away.

We stayed just outside the park in a place called Mountain View in a B&B. There were cows and horses in the fields and barn kittens playing outside. It was just perfect. I wish we could have had more of a chance to spend time relaxing and I really hope that we can go back some day to do just that. There was a spot just down the road from the B&B to ride horses; I've been bugging Scott to do that since we were dating.

2007-09-30T17:38:00.000-06:00

I got home about an hour ago from a baby shower, nursed Brianna and put her to sleep. I didn't think she'd still be sleeping since she slept on the way home, but she has only slept in tiny increments since getting up this morning. As soon as she was sleeping I cleaned the kitchen, swept the floors and tidied up the bathroom. I even finally swept the office floor and got the cat hair that was collecting under the futon. The cats aren't even allowed in the office and there was enough hair under there to make another cat.

I have 15 days left of having Scott's help with housework and taking care of Brianna and then I start full time as a housewife/stay-at-home-mom. This is what I've wanted since I was a teenager and I can't wait. I expect to be a little over-whelmed at first until I find my groove, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. Already, I've become really good at doing stuff one-handed or really fast while she sleeps or plays in her exersaucer. The only thing that still presents a challenge is laundry. If she's sleeping, I can't go to the laundry room at all. If she's awake, it's still not all that easy. Sometimes I put her in the sling (Rachel, the hip carry is great), but I still have a hard time carrying the laundry with her and bending over to the dryer is tricky. I can do it if I have to, but I still prefer to have Scott home to just watch her while I run to the laundry room. Or he can do his laundry himself...

The last thing on my list for now is to use the lint brush on the couches. But first, I have to pick Scott up from the golf course. Today is the last day that the course is open (For Scott, I feel sad, but for me...I'm so glad!).

Video

2007-09-18T08:17:00.000-06:00

Psycho Cat has been coming to visit everyday so we got a video of the whole thing.

Pscyho Alley Cat

2007-09-14T13:23:00.001-06:00

Yesterday morning Scott and I woke up to a horrible moaning sound followed by screams and loud bangs. In our sleepy state we both thought that it might have been the kids upstairs since they can get really loud sometimes. As I became more fully awake I realized that it was actually the sound of angry cats and I got really freaked out. They fight sometimes, but it sounds more playful and sometimes frustrated than what we were hearing. I convinced Scott that it was, in fact, our cats making the terrible sound and not the kids upstairs and he went to investigate. The thought that crossed both our minds was that someone was in our apartment hurting our cats. I waited in the bedroom with Brianna, who was also waking up. After more loud bangs, hisses, and growls; but no sounds of distress from Scott, I also went to check out what was going on. It turns out that there was a male tabby cat at the living-room window and he was running into it with his head. The growling we heard was coming mostly from Tyke and the banging was him jumping out of the window when he was charged at (there are security bars on the windows since we live in the basement and they were banging). All three cats were cautiously watching and the room was filled with the sound of growling.

Scott got out the pepper spray (we got it from the pet store to spray on furniture and other areas where cats are clawing or peeing etc.). He opened the window and started spraying it directly at the cat. He's run away from the pepper spray, but he kept coming back to look at our cats.

Flash back to a couple days before:
Scott was walking around with Brianna and saw a cute grey tabby sitting at the window. Tyke and Zeek both jumped into the window to investigate and the cats meowed curiously at each other through the screen. Scott opened up the window without the screen about an inch and Zeek put his paw through to touch his new friend. Mishka was the only one not saying hi to the nieghbourhood cat, so I put her in the window too and chastised her for being so antisocial. As soon as she caught sight of the grey tabby she started growling and hissing. The tom didn't seemed too affected by Mishka's hostility; he just meowed back at her. I took Mishka out of the window because I was worried he would leave. Little did I know she perceived his craziness and was warning him to leave (or she was just being her normal, antisocial self - what do I know?).

That's what made yesterday morning so creepy. That cat was perfectly normal the last time we saw him so I don't know what got into him. We've had the windows closed and the blinds down ever since because we don't want that to happen again. I'm just glad is was so cold, otherwise I wouldn't have closed the window in the first place and he quite possibly would have rammed himself right through the screen.

It's almost been a month

2007-08-18T23:09:00.000-06:00

Scott has complained about me not blogging anymore, but my reply was that I don't really have the time. Most of my free time is spent trying to get some cleaning done or have a shower before Brianna needs me. I don't know how all you moms out there with more than one do it. Brianna is sleeping now, though, so I have no excuse. She went to bed at 10:30 tonight and I hope it's for the night. Her sleeping schedule is slowly getting a little better. I've gotten her up a little earlier in the mornings and it's helped at night. She seems to be a bit of a night-owl.

Our summer has been busy with barbecues, seeing friends and lots of reading. We got rid of our cable for the summer and I've read more books in the last month than I usually read in a year. Scott and I have both been reading "The Earth's Children" series and I've been interested at different points in the story. Every once in a while the books get a little dull though, but eventually pick up again.

Last weekend we went to see Blue Rodeo for free at the folk festival by standing outside the fence. We could see and hear perfectly and we got to hear a bunch of other acts that were pretty good. Blue Rodeo is one of my favourite bands and I've seen them a bunch of times, but it wasn't their best show. They didn't interact much with the audience and they didn't play long. It may have something to do with them being the last act of the night and it being 3 degrees outside.

Pain

2007-07-21T12:23:00.001-06:00

My new routine of running came to a halt the other day because I twisted my knee. I was in an area where the sidewalks are in really bad condition and when my foot landed on a slanted area it hurt my knee. It hurt when it happened, but I was able to finish my run. The next time I went out it still hurt, but I was still able to run. I decided to wait two days before I went out again to give it some more time and then I was going to start the next level of my conditioning. I took two steps and couldn't do it. Now it hurts to walk for a long time. It's been almost a week now and it still hurts. I'm really disappointed because I could feel my endurance building up and I was on my way to finally achieving my goal. I know I still can, but it's frustrating that I'll have to start from square one when I feel better.

Yesterday morning I took Brianna to get her first set of immunization shots. She was so happy while we were in the waiting room and I felt bad that it was going to be painful for her. She screamed really loud when the nurse did it and it was really hard on me. As soon as I got back out into the waiting room I nursed her and that made her feel better (and me). She was sleeping when I got her back home, but when she finally woke up she was crying a lot and we could tell she was in pain. Scott went out to get some baby Tylenol while I held her and nursed her. Every time she was moved she'd cry and throw out her arms the way she does when she's startled. It was terrible for all of us. After she had the Tylenol she fell asleep off and on for a few hours. Eventually when she woke up around 5 she was finally back to herself again and we didn't have to give her anymore medicine.

Running

2007-07-10T22:34:00.000-06:00

Wow, blogging two days in a row. This is unheard of. Brianna has been sleeping quite a bit over the last 24 hours and she's sleeping away in her daddy's arms right now. I'm surprised by how much she's sleeping today because normally she's up most of the afternoon and evening. She's been pretty alert and happy when she has been awake so I guess that means she's ok and she's just tired. Maybe it's just her growth spurt. We took her to the health clinic to be weighed today and she's now 10lbs 15 ounces. She's put on 10 ounces since last week.

I went for my post-partum appointment today and my doctor told me I'm all healed up and can start exercising again. I'm glad to hear it since I found out that I'm still 20lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. I'd like to lose it plus an additional 5-10 lbs. Tonight I went for a little jog, or at least I started to train my body into being able to jog. I've never been a jogger, but I've always wanted to be. The only problem was that I'd jog for about 2 minutes and feel like I was going to die and I'd think "why would anyone do this to themselves". I still wanted to though. It just looks so exhilarating. I have re-occurring dreams where I can run for miles and miles and feel great. So I found a website that gives a schedule for training your body for a 5k run in two months. For the first week you walk for 5 minutes and then alternate between running for 60 seconds and walking for 90. You only do it 3 days a week so you don't over-do it. I was surprised by how difficult the 60 seconds was (although, I'm not sure why I was surprised), but I was also surprised by how it got easier after I found my groove. I think I'm finally going to be a jogger and I'm pleased with myself. I have a wedding to go to on Thanksgiving weekend and I'm determined to have the weight off by then and be happy with my body. I've really been struggling with the way my body is now and I don't think I have to be stuck with it.

Not Enough Hours...

2007-07-09T12:29:00.000-06:00

I finally understand what people mean when they say there aren't enough hours in the day. Brianna is sleeping right now so I've got some time to update. Her schedule is a little challenging sometimes. She sleeps all morning and part of the afternoon and then she's up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Luckily for us we don't have any obligations so we can go along with the flow, but we tend to sleep until about 11am. Some nights she'll sleep for 6 hours at a time and then other nights, like last night, she'll sleep for 2 hour intervals. I'm feeling pretty tired today, but I'll try and get a nap in later.

Scott and I are having lots of fun together while he's off work. It's nice to have someone to get out with to day errands. We also have a nightly tradition of going for a walk in the neighbourhood when the rest of the world is sleeping.

We really wanted to visit Kingston this month, but now it turns out that it won't happen. We'll consider it again in December when Scott has holidays, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Good news though, we've decided that we are going to move back there. It won't be for at least a year and we'll have to wait until Scott gets transferred, but it's our plan. Since having Brianna we decided that it would be nice to have family around. I'm really excited about going back to Next or Rustle too. There really doesn't seem to be any comparison anywhere else.

Brianna's Birth Story

2007-06-23T11:26:00.000-06:00

On Friday, May 18th I woke up at 8 am to a phone call from the hospital saying that I could come in for my induction. I was really surprised because my doctor had said that it was quite unlikely that they'd call me since there were a number of women ahead of me who more urgently needed to be induced. I took a shower and got dressed and raced to the hospital. I called Scott on the way to let him know that I would call him when I got home because I was expecting to be given Cervidil, a tampon-like device with prostaglandins to help my cervix ripen since at one week late, my body still had shown no major signs of preparing for labour.
I arrived at the hospital around 9:30 and they did an NST for a while on the baby and checked my cervix. I was actually 1/2 cm dilated. Finally. While the nurse and I were chatting I discovered that I wouldn't actually be able to go home after I was given the dose because I was getting just a straight gel. I would have to lie on my back for an hour while the gel went to work on my cervix and and I'd have to stay so that both the baby and I could be monitored. The nurse also told me that it rarely takes one dose and that I'd likely have to have three every 6 hours. I called Scott again at that point and told him to leave work and go home to get my hospital bag and meet me.

After an uncomfortable hour of lying on my back I moved down to an antenatal room with 3 other women who'd been on bed rest for a while. Scott was with me and we decided to go for lots of walks to help speed things along. I called my doula, Mitzi and told her what was going on, but I wasn't feeling any contractions so she didn't need to come in yet. After 6 hours of reading old magazines and walking the halls of the ward, a nurse came to tell me that it was time for my next dose of gel. They didn't have a bed in the assessment area so I ended up in my own private delivery room while they checked me and gave me the next dose. If I remember correctly, my cervix hadn't changed at all at that point. I was happy that for my second dose of gel it was my actual ob/gyn who was with me. Scott and I both really liked him for his down-to-earth and calming nature. It was the last time I'd see him for the weekend though since it was the Friday evening of a long weekend. He had the weekend off.

After a couple hours of having the second dose I started to have contractions that were painful. I didn't really know what to expect at this point so we called Mitzi and she came in. I became excited then because I figured that these contractions would help my body get ready and then I'd be able to deliver after the 3rd dose. I received that second dose around 6pm and Scott and I continued to do more walking. When I was later checked by a nurse for progress it turned out that I was 2cm. At 10:00, Scott and Mitzi had to leave because I wasn't in my own room and I wasn't dilated enough to go to a delivery room. I told them both that I would likely call them in the night because I was expecting my third dose around midnight. I was upset that I had to be alone, but I wasn't expecting it to be all night.

About an hour after Scott left my contractions started to get really painful and about every 2-3 minutes apart. I told the nurse how I was feeling each time she came in to check my blood pressure and do an NST. She told me that if I could still talk through my contractions then I wasn't ready to go to a delivery room. I was getting progressively more upset as the night went on because I was in quite a bit of pain, I couldn't sleep through my contractions so I was getting tired, and I was alone. I was told that they weren't ready to give me my third dose of gel or even check my cervix because the delivery ward was really busy and no doctors were available to see me. Finally, at about 4am a resident came to see me. He checked my cervix and I was still only 2cm and there was no other change. I couldn't believe it. I was so discouraged, but he told me I'd be checked again in the morning. I was so tired and I just wanted to go to my own delivery room so Scott could be with me. The doctor suggested I take a sleeping pill so I could sleep, but I didn't want anything. I did finally sleep for an hour and a half though. When the nurse came in at 6am on Saturday I asked her when I could have Scott and Mitzi come in and she said they could come at 8am. I called them and let them know. When they finally showed up I had a hard time holding back my tears. I felt like I finally didn't have to be strong anymore because I had Scott with me to take care of me.

Saturday was spent waiting. We didn't know when I was going to be checked again or given the next dose because of the shortage of doctors and how busy it was in the delivery ward. I just kept walking and trying unsuccessfully to sleep. My contractions started petering out as the day went on and I was getting nervous. They went from being strong and 2-3 minutes apart to being weak and about every 10 minutes apart. That afternoon we told Mitzi she may as well go home and we'd call her if things changed.An hour after she left a nurse came and said I had to go upstairs to the other ward because they had a bed for me and they were going to give me my next dose...finally after 24 hours.

When I was finally checked for my progress I was disappointed to find out that I was still just 2cm dilated. My body was just not ready to go into labour. The good news was that my cervix was finally in an anterior position and the baby's head was quite low. The doctor decided I should go on the oxytocin drip at this point. I really wasn't wanting this, but it seemed like I had no other choice with the rate my body was progressing. I just wanted to give birth and leave the hospital. They hooked me up to an IV and I was then finally sent to a delivery room and Scott could stay with me. At about 7pm on the Saturday night, my contractions started to get more painful so we called Mitzi again thinking that it would progress quickly now.

It soon got to the point that I couldn't move or talk during my contractions. I sat on a birthing ball for a few hours in a hot shower. It was pretty much the only thing that helped. I was feeling great in spite of the pain. I thought things had to be progressing now and I felt I was handling the contractions really well. I was breathing through them and I wasn't getting stressed out. I thought I was on my way to having a good delivery soon.

At 4am on Sunday morning a doctor finally came in to check me. Before he came in the nurse said that he'd probably break my water. I told her I really didn't want my water broken because I knew the pain intensity would go up a lot and I didn't want an epidural. She said we should see how dilated I was and then discuss what to do next. Well, I was still just 2cm. I was devastated and discouraged. I couldn't understand why my body wasn't working properly. I was starting to get worried that I would have to have a c-section. It had been 42 hours at that point and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. The doctor came in on his way to doing a c-section for another woman and Scott asked him what he was planning on doing. He said he was going to break my water. I said I didn't want that and he simply responded by saying, "We do it all the time". This wasn't a good response for me and I started to shake uncontrollably. I was upset, I felt backed into a corner. I explained to him that it was too early to have my water broken at only 2cm and I thought it was a bad idea. I told him I wasn't ready for my pain to increase that much that fast and I'd rather wait until my body was closer to giving birth. The doctor kept pressuring me and I felt rushed because he had to go to a c-section. Scott was getting angry with the doctor and wanted to give me a few minutes to think about what I wanted to do. Finally I told him to go ahead. I couldn't handle his pressure and I all I could think was how much longer could I keep going as exhausted as I was and still have the energy to push when I was finally fully dilated. So I gave in. He proceeded to break my water and I asked him to wait until my contraction was done and he kind of smirked and said it was the best time to do it. I took a deep breath and waited until it was over. Everyone, including the doctor and the nurse, told me it wouldn't hurt to have my water broken, but he was so rough. He rushed through the procedure and then left. Immediately I started shaking even more as my adrenaline had hit a high with the sudden decision I had to make and all my emotions were crazy. I started crying as I tried to breathe through the intense contractions (that grew to be about 30 seconds apart) and battled my emotions inside as I contemplated the epidural. Everything was wrong. There was nothing natural about the birth experience at all for me anymore. I was angry that things had gone the way they had, that they left me for 24 hours not really knowing what to expect. I was angry that I had to be left alone for a night without Scott and that my body hadn't just gone into labour on it's own. And lastly, I was angry that the doctor treated me with such little regard towards what I wanted. After 3 contractions I was finally able to tell Scott through my crying that I wanted the epidural. I needed to sleep. I needed the relief from both the pain and the frustration I was feeling with everybody and everything. The anesthesiologist received my order for an epidural at the same time as two other women and he rushed in within minutes to help me before rushing out for the c-section that the doctor was going to. Scott had to hold me as the needle was inserted to try and keep me from shaking too much. I was so upset that things had come to this.

The epidural started to work within minutes and I lay on the bed feeling my body go numb. I finally fell asleep and I woke up around 6am with nurses coming in and out and checking various things with me and the baby. Around 7:30 a nurse checked to see how dilated I was. After everything I had been through I was shocked to hear that I was 9 1/2 cm and there was just a small lip over the baby's head that needed to be freed. She told me to do one push during my next contraction (which I couldn't feel). I did, and then I was 10cm.

I started the rest of the pushing at 8am. I couldn't feel anything and I had to rely on the nurse to tell me when I was contracting. They decided to turn down my epidural and turn up the oxytocin that I still had attached to my IV. Pushing was difficult since I wasn't able to feel anything, but somehow I managed. I was still really tired so in between pushes I just laid back and breathed. It's all I could do. I was getting annoyed by how many people were coming in and out of the room and talking about trivial things amongst themselves while I was trying to give birth. One nurse actually came in and commented on how little progress I had made. Mitzi immediately told me to let the comment go because I was actually doing well. After about an hour and a half of pushing I started to be able to feel the sensations and my pushes were better. I still felt like it was taking too long though. The doctor came in shortly after and I kept pushing until finally her head came out. I tore at that point, but instead of feeling pain I felt extreme relief because it was what allowed her head to come free. I got her shoulders out and the rest of her body followed. I can't describe the feeling that came over me as I felt her leave my body and she was put on my stomach. Scott and I were both overcome with emotions and I have never felt anything similar to that in my life.

Scott and I held her and adored her while they delivered the placenta and stitched me. She latched on and I fed my daughter for the first time and I couldn't wait to be in a room alone with just the three of us.

They normally only allow patients to stay in the delivery room for an hour after the birth, but we were in there for almost 2. It still felt rushed though and there were a lot people coming in and out of the room, but finally I was wheeled up to a room with one other bed in it. The other woman was going home though so I had the room to myself. I was later taken to a completely private room that night.

When I think back to Brianna's birth I still get upset that it was pretty much exactly how I didn't want things to go, with the exception of course, that I gave birth to a beautiful healthy little girl. She was born with scratches on her scalp and I'm convinced it's from the doctor roughly breaking my water. She still has a scar that hasn't completely healed a month later. I really hope that the next time will go better and I'll labour naturally. In retrospect I think that if I had actually waited until the Tuesday after the holiday when the doctor had expected I'd go, I may still have been induced, but it would have gone smoother because my body may have been more ready to work. I know better for next time now.

I am just so thankful that I didn't have a c-section and that Brianna came out without forceps or vacuum and she's healthy and happy. She's such a great baby and we are so happy.

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-17T20:23:00.000-06:00

Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband and to all other dads and father-figures out there.
It's been so nice having Scott home to bond with Brianna and help me with this whole parenting thing.

2007-06-05T19:50:00.001-06:00

Brianna is doing really well! We went to the doctor's today and she now weighs 8 lbs and is really healthy. She loves to eat and she's finally got the hang of it. She loves to sit up on our shoulders.

Another Picture

2007-05-21T22:14:00.001-06:00

Be prepared for lots of pictures on here!

Brianna Elizabeth

2007-05-21T20:55:00.001-06:00

We came home from the hospital today with our little girl Brianna. She weighed in at 7lbs, 9oz (you were right, Rachel!) and was born May 20th at 10:02am. I was in the hospital since Friday morning. It was a very long and difficult labour and I'll post the story a little later. She's doing great and we couldn't be happier.

41 Weeks and 1 Day

2007-05-18T06:16:00.000-06:00

I couldn't believe it yetserday at the doctor's office. I'm not even half a centimetre, not mid-position, not even softer. Nothing! All that walking and all those false contractions (the ones that actually hurt) did nothing. He said the baby was lower, but I didn't get a station. I'm sure if she's dropped it wasn't much. He put me on a list for induction today, but I likely won't here from them until Tuesday. I had an ultrasound to see how the baby is doing and she seems to be doing quite well. She's estimated at 9lbs and 2oz already though(ouch!)! I guess I didn't miscalculate my dates, so that makes me feel good. It's too bad my body is only thinking about making her bigger and not about getting her out. I have 2 non-stress tests to go to at the hospital and then I'll get induced. I'm glad they're on the weekend. If I was going beyond Tuesday I'd have to go to have tests done during the week next week and getting there is difficult since Scott takes the car to work. It's a 10 minute drive, but an hour commute by bus including transferring. So I'm hoping and praying that they call me today so I can get this over with and she doesn't have a chance to get any bigger. But if they don't call me today I hope I go into labour naturally over the weekend. Also, I really hope that the cervidil gel is all they need to give me and I don't need my water broken or an oxytocin drip. I'm scared I'm going to have a difficult labour now and going natural is going to be harder. But I'm still determined!

Hatching Babies

2007-05-16T11:34:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I did a little more than I usually do on my average day. I went to visit my daycare to see my kids and it was so nice to see them. I can't believe how much they grow in so little time. I was happy to know that they haven't forgotten about me and they were really happy to see me and asked me questions about my baby and why she hasn't come out yet (I wish I had the answer for them). Some of them were even a little sad when I said I had to leave. It makes me look forward to visiting again later after the baby is born.

Scott got home pretty early yesterday so he went to the golf course and I tagged along to be his caddy. It would probably be more fun to actually play, but my tummy would get in the way of my swing. It's nice to spend time with Scott, but I usually get a little bored after about 9 holes. It's the same when I play. I'm much better on a mini-putt course.

This morning I got up a little earlier than usual and did some big cleaning in the kitchen. My lower back, around my hips, has been a little sore today, but I'm keeping busy anyway. I've already gone for my daily walk. It's a really nice day today. Now I'm running out of things to do again. Maybe after Scott gets home I'll try and get him to take me to the West Edmonton Mall for some mini-putt before he goes to the pitch-and-putt course. He has a membership there so it's his favourite thing to do. Mini-putt would be perfect for me though.

5 Days Late...

2007-05-15T06:24:00.000-06:00

I just woke up and I don't feel like I'm about to give birth, although I don't know if I'll get much warning on it. I guess I'll just keep puttering around here and going for walks. I thought I'd update since everyone has been curious.

40 Week Update

2007-05-10T14:43:00.000-06:00

Today is my due date and I just got back from the doctor's. I was expecting to hear that I've made all sorts of progress since last week because I've been having contractions that actually hurt and I'm much more uncomfortable compared to last week, but nothing. I've lost a couple pounds, my stomach is measuring the same size, and cervical change is nada. I go back again next Thursday and then we'll discuss induction. I don't want to be induced, but if I have to be I guess that's just life.

How much longer?!

2007-05-08T09:53:00.000-06:00

So it's two days before my due date and nothing yet. I've had some mild cramping every once in a while, but I have no idea if it means anything. I've been paying attention to every tiny, single thing my body is doing these days and I'm driving myself crazy. I've been going for walks and doing some housework, but sometimes I just feel lazy and I don't want to do anything.
I guess I could go into labour tomorrow, or I could be pregnant for another two weeks. I'm just hoping an induction isn't in store for me. Maybe later I'll walk to the store and buy some pineapple; I've heard there are some benefits to eating it. If nothing else, I love it so it would be a nice treat. I'm pretty sure the baby wants out, though, she's been moving a lot and even making me uncomfortable at times. I'm just hoping it's not too much longer.

Diapers and Update

2007-05-03T09:00:00.000-06:00

I woke up to the sound of my door buzzing this morning and received my first bunch of cloth diapers. They brought me 35 diapers, a pail and their special deodorizer, some soaker cloths and two free plastic pants. I'm very excited to have my diapers. Now I just need a baby to put them on. When the baby is born they will bring me a full order of 70 diapers each week.

Yesterday I had my 39 week appointment and found that while things still seem good, there wasn't a lot of progress. The baby is still floating at -1 and my cervix is still closed, luckily it's starting to soften, though, so that's something. I'm hoping the rain will let up and I can go for a walk. Hopefully I can get the baby lower. As Scott reminded me, in my belly is the best place for our baby right now so I shouldn't get too impatient. It doesn't help my eagerness though.

2 More Weeks

2007-04-26T21:25:00.000-06:00

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and not much has changed. The baby is lower, but that's it. I think just my closed cervix is keeping her there. The doctor suggested that since the nice weather is here maybe I could go for some walks and maybe bring on labour. I just don't think she's ready though and any attempts would be in vain. I'm feeling like she'll be around my due date. I was very excited to be in and out of the doctor's office within a half an hour, though, that never happens. He also told me that he'll be in San Diego for a conference 3 days before my due date so I hope she doesn't decide to make her appearance on those days. I'm quite attached to my ob/gyn.

Today I went out with my friend who's a due next week and she may be induced tomorrow. I'm both excited and scared for her. I don't want an induction. She doesn't seem to be thinking about it much, though. I'd be a nervous wreck. We went to Toys R Us and then had some pitas followed up with some Marble Slab ice cream. I had the Amaretto ice cream with Skor pieces. It was delicious and now I can't wait to go back.

Bread Makers

2007-04-24T14:05:00.000-06:00

Scott got me a bread maker for my birthday a few months a go and I just finally started to try using it. I've made white bread twice and raisin bread once. The first time I made white bread I used the wrong setting and the loaf came out dense and heavy. The second time, I followed the recipe to a tee and made sure I used the right setting, but the same thing happened. Then I made raisin bread yesterday and it rose really nicely and wasn't the least bit dense, but it rose so much that it opened the lid to the machine and stuck to the top. Why on earth is this happening, does anyone have any experience?

I've been doing a lot of domestic things since I've been home like cleaning, baking bread and making healthy home-cooked meals. I've really been enjoying having the luxury to do this kind of stuff. Yesterday I made lasagna and with my own sauce. I really think it's one of my best dishes so I enjoy making it. Scott likes it too, so that helps. He's kind of a picky eater sometimes so when he likes something I feel pretty accomplished.

The baby has been really active, which surprises me because most people say they quiet down around now since they don't have as much room. She seems to be quite comfortable to kick me in the ribs and push her fingers or her head up against some nerves in my pelvis. I have a doctor's a appointment tomorrow and I'll see if there are any changes that indicate that maybe I'll have her early. I feel ready, so hopefully she will soon too.

37 Week Update

2007-04-18T11:09:00.000-06:00

Yesterday as soon as I arrived at my doctor's appointment I found out that he had to leave for a delivery. I settled down with my book ("Bodily Harm" by Margaret Atwood...the character seems a little too self-loathing like so many of her heroines) and waited for my turn. After about an hour I got called in for my blood pressure and weigh-in. I weigh the same as I did last week (I guess eating Breyer's French Vanilla ice cream everyday is ok) and my blood pressure is fine. I then waited another half an hour and then I got to see the doctor. The baby has dropped quite a bit; she's at -1 , but my cervix hasn't changed at all. My uterus has grown 1 cm since last week and the baby is nicely positioned with her bum towards my ribs. While the doctor was feeling her he said that all he could feel was hard, "lumpy, baby" so he was concerned that there wasn't a lot of amniotic fluid around her. He did a quick ultrasound and discovered that there is plenty, but she is all on the right of me and she's pushed all the fluid over to the left side. So my left is squishy; my right is hard. She still looked adorable on the ultrasound too.

Last night my tail bone was really sore from sitting in the waiting room for so long. I bruised it at the beginning of the pregnancy and it seems to be getting worse as my pregnancy progresses. I have a feeling that it'll be an issue during labour. Sitting on my birth ball helps a lot, though.

2007-04-12T11:10:00.000-06:00

Last night my doula, Mitzi, came over and we went over some of the positions and massage techniques for labour. I think it's too bad that I'll be in pain during labour, other wise it would be quite enjoyable. She suggested that I get a birthing ball to sit on as often as possible or at least try to sit in a leaning forward position more often to help encourage the baby to get into my pelvis properly and thus lessing the chance that I'll have back labour. I'm all for it. Every once in a while I get a little nervous about the whole ordeal, but then when I think about what I've learned and how Scott and Mitzi will be there to support me I feel more confident and relaxed. I'm really looking forward to having this baby.

I've decided to stay in today and possibly try and get the spare room organized. It's a little over-whelming though since a lot of the stuff in here is either computer gadgets, important papers, or things that just don't really have a spot. I'd like to get it finished this weekend. We might have to go to Ikea on Saturday to see if we can find a wall shelf to put some of the paper and office supplies on.

weekly check-up

2007-04-10T20:11:00.000-06:00

I had my doctor's appointment this afternoon and everything seems well with both me and the baby. She's head-down and a little lower which could explain my more frequent runs to the bathroom. I've been getting a lot of braxton-hicks contractions, but they aren't painful so that's good. I'll go to the doctor again in a week and I'll find out if there's any cervical changes as well as get my results for strep b. The last two appointments have been quick too; no two-hour waits in the waiting room.

35 weeks

2007-04-09T13:53:00.000-06:00

Here is my latest picture taken this morning from the baby's room. Today I am 35 weeks and 4 days and still feeling good. I'm getting anxious to get my hospital bag packed and have the baby's clothes washed and put away. I need to feel ready. We have the crib and change table set up and we have a dresser still to put together. When the baby is born we'll move the crib into our room, but we're keeping it in her room for now so the cats can still sleep with us in the mean time. Oh yeah, and the baby is still breech. I'd feel a lot better if she'd turn around!

Moved

2007-04-05T15:52:00.000-06:00

I finally have a computer again and it has it's own room! We moved into our new apartment on the weekend and it's good to finally be settled. The move didn't exactly go that smoothly as it involved waiting for 6 hours in our moving truck behind our car with the poor cats in it while we waited for the previous tenants to move out. They told us they'd be out around noon, like we were, but around noon we were told they'd be out by 6 at the latest. The latest came and Scott went to investigate if they were out and it turned out that they weren't finished, but they had some rooms cleared out and we could get our stuff in. We were finally able to get the cats in so they could go to the bathroom and eat and we had all our stuff moved in within an our before they were even back for their next load. I suggested to Scott that we offer our moving truck and muscles to help them move the last of their stuff to their new place. I'd like to say that it was purely because I'm such a nice person, but it was mostly because I wanted them out of our hair. It was a good thing we helped though because they would have been moving until midnight otherwise.

Now that we're in, I'm loving all my extra space. The rooms are uncluttered and spacious and it's great to spread our stuff around. The baby's room consists of boxes and piles of baby "stuff", but hopefully this weekend it'll start to look a little more like a nursery. We have the crib, that we got for a great price at Sears and we'll pick up the change table tonight. The crib will eventually be in our room, but we're keeping it there until closer to my due date (5 weeks from today!).

Friday was my last day of work and my co-workers surprised me with a cake and party with our kids parents there. It was very sweet and thoughtful and I had to choke back a few tears when I had to say good-bye to some of my favourites (we're not really supposed to have "favourites", but it happens)

I'm now playing the waiting game and getting lots of exercise in my new neighbourhood as I explore. I wish the weather was a little more spring-like for my walks, but soon enough, I guess.

My Life Lately

2007-03-25T16:02:00.000-06:00

Things have been pretty crazy as we try to get ready for the move to the new apartment next weekend. Yesterday morning I went to Zellers, The Superstore, and the Liquor Store to get boxes. I did pretty well for myself, but I think we're still going to need more.

Scott was sick with the flu most of last week, but luckily is getting better. He was well enough to go to the hockey game on Friday night and well enough to help me do a large amount of packing. Hopefully he'll be 100% better soon. He still has cold symptoms lingering. Speaking of the hockey game though, it was one of the best games I've been to in a long time. It wasn't what I was expecting since they were on a 12-game losing streak, but it turned out to be a really good game with an exciting finish. My favourite player, Marty Reasoner, was the only one to score in the shoot-out to win the game.

On Friday at work the other teacher who is pregnant and I were surprised with a presentation of a gift basket that had all sorts of nice baby things in them. They gave them to us in front of all the kids because the kids have all been very interested in the babies in our bellies. The kids are constantly putting balls under their shirts and telling us that their babies are kicking them. This is my last week coming up and I'm really glad. By the end of the day I've been pretty tired out and even sometimes a little light-headed. I'll be 34 weeks on Thursday and I have my next doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I always look forward to my appointments, but I never look forward to the 2 hour wait I have to see the doctor. Tomorrow night we also have our first of two prenatal visits with our doula, Mitzi. It'll be fun.

Fears

2007-03-15T08:43:00.000-06:00

I keep having a recurring dream that I have my baby and I forget to feed her for a long time, and then when I finally try to, I have a really hard time getting her on the breast. To anyone who's talked to me about my pregnancy it shouldn't be a surprise because I'm more nervous about breastfeeding than I am about labour. I read in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that in many hospitals the nurses will take the baby out of the mom's room and feed them a bottle without the mother knowing. This totally freaked me out and I was scared that they would ruin my breastfeeding attempts. I've finally talked to enough people who have given birth at the Royal Alex Hospital and even a nurse who works in the ward (she's the mom to a couple kids at the daycare) that I feel confident that they won't do this. But still, in my dreams something doesn't work with the nursing. Last night in my dream I gave birth to her at the point I am now and she was a healthy 7 pounds, but I couldn't remember how many ounces or how long she was. She also didn't look like a newborn. She looked to be about 5 months old with light brown hair and pretty blue eyes. Also, in all my dreams that I give birth the actual labour part is a breeze.

When people ask me if I'm going to get an epidural I find myself saying "I hope I can do it without". By saying this I still sound "realistic" to them and I avoid the comments about how they think women who want to go naturally are dumb or want to be martyrs. I have no problem with epidurals for other women. My sister is one who needs to have one. She doesn't tolerate pain very well and it helps her bond with her children better if they haven't caused her that much pain. I also know that sometimes if a woman is too stressed out by the pain it can cause distress in the baby. Back pain and extremely long labours are cases when I really can't blame a woman for wanting to get rid of the pain, even if just to have a rest. For me personally, though, I don't want one. I want to be able to walk around, I want to be able to go to the bathroom myself and I don't want to possibly prolong the process. The biggest thing for me, though, is that I'm scared of that very small risk that it could harm me and that it does affect the baby's alertness. So the real answer the question is, "no, I don't plan on having an epidural". I'm lucky to have Scott who is extremely supportive of my decision and a doula who has years of experience coaching women through drug-free labour. I don't want the pain, and I know I'll have moments that I'll think an epidural will be the best option, but I also feel confident in my own body and state of mind.

A bunch of updates

2007-03-12T18:51:00.000-06:00

I'm pretty bad at keeping up my blog lately, but I thought it was about time.

I have three more weeks of work left and then I'll be a housewife and a stay-at-home-mom. We got a new apartment on the west side of town and we're really excited about moving into it. It's about 3 times the size of the one that we have now and it's a 3-bedroom with a dishwasher. I don't love the area, but I do love the apartment. We loved it right away, but weren't sure if we would get it because there were a bunch of other applicants. I guess the landlady liked something about us. It'll be nice to have a place where the baby will live and we can start to prepare our place for her.

The beginning of March was pretty hectic since every spare minute was spent looking for a place to live. Now that we've found a place, though, we need to pack and that is just as stressful for me. As is keeping this place clean for viewing.

As of Thursday of this week I'll be 32 weeks/8 months. It's hard to believe how fast time is flying. I just found out tonight that my sister will be having her baby next Monday after being induced. Her baby seems to be in a good position and she's been pretty uncomfortable so the doctor okayed it. It's her third.

We've finally been getting some spring-like weather lately and I'm loving it. I really missed having a spring when we were in Vancouver. Although, on the other hand, I missed seeing tulips in February this year too.

The other update is that we went to see David Suzuki speak at the university a few weeks ago and it was pretty amazing and inspiring to hear him speak. If you ever have the chance to hear him, you should take it.

Not Your Average Morning Commute

2007-02-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I left my apartment at 7:15am and walked my usual four blocks to Jasper Avenue, the main downtown street, to my bus stop. As I approached the intersection I noticed some flashing police and ambulance lights. I was concerned and assumed it was a car accident since the roads have been a little slippery lately. I began to cross Jasper and noticed that there was yellow police tape all around my bus stop in front of Boston Pizza and there were about 4 police cars, one ambulance and a city bus all parked on the side. I wasn't really sure what to do; I was curious and didn't know if my bus would stop behind all the vehicles. I stopped about 30 metres from the police tape thinking that perhaps there was room for my bus to stop there. I was trying really hard not to be in the way or too nosy. As I waited for my bus I glanced over to where the police were and I saw a television crew, 4 or 5 people that looked like witnesses to what had happened, and various police - and then I saw the body covered with a white sheet. The victims feet were visible at the end of the sheet and there was a dark-coloured baseball hat about a foot away from the feet. I was unnerved to say the least. I still wasn't sure what to do as far as where to catch my bus, but then another police cruiser pulled up in front of me so I decided that I had to go to another stop. I crossed the street in order to walk around the crime scene and then crossed it again to get to the next stop. I called work to let them know that I might be late, but I managed to make it to the next stop on time.

My ride to work was spent thinking about how I had seen the body of a person perhaps before his/her family even knew. If I had been there just a few minutes earlier, could I have witnessed it? Was it drug or gang related? Could it have been me lying there for commuters to gawk at? All these questions plagued me and I felt uneasy all morning, wondering what had happened.

At lunch time I finally was able to find out what had happened. A couple of young men were arguing on the bus and the driver stopped and pushed the panic button. The two men got off, continuing their disagreement and the younger man was stabbed. The man with the knife fled, but was caught by police four blocks north of the incident. It happened just shortly after 7am and I arrived at the scene at 7:25. If I had been on the earlier shift this week I would have been there. When something like this happens it really makes you think of your mortality and how fragile life is.

29 Weeks

2007-02-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

Tyke wanted to pose with me too.

12 weeks to go...

2007-02-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the hospital that I'll be delivering at to get my blood test done. It took longer to find parking than it did to actually have my blood taken. When I was there I started to get really excited about the birth of the baby and I can't wait to finally meet her. Perhaps I'm just ignorant, but I'm not scared of the birth at this point and I'm looking forward to feeling those first contractions. I guess when you don't know what to expect you can feel that way. I'm sure that once I get into the 2nd stage of labour I won't be as excited, but I'd like to try to remember that with each contraction, I'm closer to having my baby (I'm an idealist).

I've been so lucky in this pregnancy as far as comfort goes. I haven't had any of the major problems that so many women complain of throughout their 9 months. I haven't had a chronically sore back, I can sleep at night, and I've had maybe 3 bouts of heartburn. I know there's still time for ailments to happen, but a lot of other women I've spoken to have had these discomforts already when they've been at my stage. I think it's partly because I haven't gained a lot of weight. I have a feeling I'm going to gain a lot more weight before the baby's born (not just in my belly, though) because my appetite has increased quite a bit. I find that I don't really get full easily, but when I do, I'm hungry again not long after. It's frustrating, because I don't know if I'm hungry because my body needs the calories, or if I've been using my pregnancy to be gluttonous. I know that I've gotten a little bigger in my butt and thighs, and I don't like that very much. I'm hoping that I'll be able to drop the pounds soon after our little girl gets here.

2007-02-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I just finished writing up all my Valentine's Day cards for my kids and getting the envelopes stuffed with the cards my kids made for their parents. They're really into the post office these days so I thought it would be cool to mail the cards to their houses. It's too bad I wasn't organized enough to get them out in time for Valentine's Day, but I think it'll still be cool for them.

I went to the doctor today and had to wait 2 hours to see the doctor. I try to be understanding when I have to wait because it's a very popular clinic and sometimes our doctors have to go out for deliveries. Still, though, 2 hours is a long time. Everything with the baby seems fine, though, and I measured about two weeks smaller than I should. The doctor said it's fine since I'm tall. I have to get more blood work done for my sore ribs. He thinks it's just a pulled muscle, but he wants to rule out gallbladder/spleen/liver issues. He doesn't seem concerned. I'll have to start going every two weeks now that I'm in my 7th month.

2007-02-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

Today I called one of the kids at work "toilet". It was pretty funny and it was purely accidental. He had just finished using the toilet and I was talking to his friends about how toilets are dirty and you shouldn't touch them and then put your hands in your mouth. The boy who had just finished was dawdling so I said, "Wash your hands, toilet". He thought it was pretty funny, but he corrected me. I love sharing moments of true humor with kids. I had a pretty good day at work today, and it got better when we played Jenga at our staff meeting.

I'm really glad that it's Friday and I'm looking forward to our weekend. Scott and I haven't gone out without others in a while so tomorrow night we're having a date night. Scott's cooking me dinner and then I think we're going to go to a movie. I'm going to try and get to church on Sunday too since I haven't been there in a couple weeks. Then that night we're going to the hockey game.

The baby has been moving a lot lately and I'm really enjoying it. I'm going to miss being pregnant and having these little private moments with her. I haven't got an updated picture yet, but I'll have to post one soon. I'm still a little on the small side, but at least people can tell that I'm pregnant and not just getting a belly. A lot of people can't believe in 6 months though.

2007-01-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the day that my dad passed away so I chose to take the day off work. In his honour, I've decided to do some baking from a cookbook that my sister put together of as many recipes of his as she could find. I started with pie this morning. I looked at the recipe for the pastry and thought it looked pretty easy and since I couldn't find any frozen fruit yesterday for berry pies and I have no nutmeg for apple pie, I would make chocolate pie. I made one batch of pie dough, though, and realized it was too sticky because I had added too much water. I could have added more flour, I thought, but there are only 3 ingredients so I just did it again. The second time didn't work so well either. The dough kept breaking apart as I tried to put it in the pan. I wrapped the dough up in plastic and put it in the fridge hoping that something will magically happen to it to make it work better later.

Next, I started on the bread. Simple, white bread. I was really frustrated because the dough was too dry and didn't look the way I knew it was supposed to. I then realized I forgot to add the milk. I added it at that point and it seemed to be ok. It's now rising nicely on the counter so we'll see how it turns out.

This morning I talked to the property manager at the apartment that we want in Sherwood Park. It looks (from the blueprints) like it is a decent size and it's new so it's probably in good condition. It's within walking distance of Scott's work so we wouldn't have to use the car as much. It all seems great so we'll get the application filled out and sent in so we'll be ready. She said that we should be able to get in for March first. The only downfall is that they only allow one cat. I asked her if they were pretty strict on that and she said we could wait until they have a suite for us and take it up with the head office. It's so hard to find a place that allows animals, even harmless cats, so we're keeping our fingers crossed. Keep us in your prayers that they'll make an exception for us or we'll find somewhere else just as good before the baby comes. Even if we were allowed to have children in this apartment, it's too small for the two of us as it is. We really want to be in Sherwood Park so that Scott won't have to commute far, but there aren't a lot of rental places there.

Update: My bread didn't really turn out. It tastes ok, but I don't think I let it rise long enough so it's really heavy and dense.

Here you go...

2007-01-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

So for all of you who have been eagerly awaiting an updated picture of me, here it is; taken on our fancy-shmancy new camera (at point and click setting, though). I'm 22 weeks now and that means, according to "What to Expect When Expecting", I have one more week of being in my second trimester and then I'll be totally uncomfortable until the baby is born. We shall see. It is getting more difficult to roll over in bed and doing things with the kids at work.

Tonight I'm going out with my first girl friend in Edmonton and we're going to see a sappy movie. We're supposed to go see "Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. I'm waiting for her to call me when she's finished hanging out with a guy she just met, but if she likes him a lot maybe our girl's night will have to wait.

It's been a bit too long since I posted.

2007-01-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

I've been kind of bad for posting, I guess.

Our Christmas was really nice this year. We had my cousin Chris here for dinner on the 24th and i cooked my very first turkey ever. I was very pleased that it turned out and it was neither dry nor poisonous. Scott and I had 4 relaxing days off together and then Scott went back to a very stressful workplace for three days and I went to work where there were very few kids and I only worked a maximum of 4 hours a day while still getting paid a full day.

On New Year's Eve we went to a friend's place and watched the hockey game and followed it up with some card games. It was nice, but I don't like staying up that late. My body is still trying to recuperate from the late night.

This week at work I'm seeing more co-workers who weren't around last week and I've been told that I've gotten quite a bit bigger since they last saw me. I'm glad that people can tell that I'm pregnant and not just getting a paunchy belly. I'll try and get a picture up in the next little while. I've been feeling the baby kicking more lately and she's putting some more muscle into her moves. I think that Scott will be able to feel them soon. I still have a day here or there where I don't feel much action, but I've heard and read that at this stage it's pretty normal for it not to be consistent. That's comforting to know.

A Girl!

2006-12-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

After lots of prodding from the technician today we found out that we're having a healthy girl. Everything looks great, I'm gaining weight, and my blood pressure looks good. She wasn't moving around too much so the tech was having a hard time getting good pictures. She was breach, so she was sitting with her head by my stomach and her legs were crossed, which made it hard to tell the gender at first. Finally the tech pressed up against her little bum and she could see that it was a girl. We could even see her little face, but her arms were covering part of it. It was really exciting to see and we're so happy that everything is good.

Movement!

2006-12-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at church I felt the baby moving for the first time and I didn't wonder if it was just digestion stuff. It was really obvious to me and I was really excited. For a special treat they had a full orchestra to play Christmas songs for about 20 minutes before the sermon and maybe the baby could hear it because he/she was moving a lot. I was so excited that I had a lump in my throat and I'm sure I was just beaming. Luckily, they had dimmed the lights so I didn't look like a dork. The message was on joy and as soon as the pastor got up to speak she asked, "When was the last time you felt true joy?" I wanted to stand up yell, "Right now! My baby's kicking me!" I can't remember feeling that happy in a really long time. After wanting to be a mom for so long it just felt so deep and satisfying. I can't wait to feel more and to later meet the baby. Tomorrow is our big ultrasound so I'll post after that.

18 weeks and 6 days

2006-12-12T13:25:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the doctor because I've had a stomach virus since Saturday and I was beginning to worry it would be affecting the baby. The doctor assured me that everything was fine, though, so that's good.

I recently had someone tell me that she couldn't even tell I was pregnant. I wasn't impressed by that comment at all. She's someone that unfortunately says a lot of things without thinking and I frequently get annoyed with her. I'm not that big, but I also would like to think that people aren't just thinking I have a beer gut. I did have a flat stomach before. My next ob/gyn appointment is next Tuesday and we're really excited to see how things are progressing in there and if the baby co-operates we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl. I used to think I'd just want to wait until the birth to find out, but it turns out I'm way too impatient for that.

Funny Christmas

2006-12-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is my favourite SNL Christmas sketch.

Deep Freeze

2006-11-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

I survived my first day of -40 weather here in Edmonton and I have to say it's not so bad when you're dressed properly. I would have liked to have had some snowpants, though, as the long johns I was sporting didn't quite do the trick.

I'm home with an upset stomach today. It seems to be getting better, but at least I'm not infecting any kiddies. I had a terrible headache last night and it was lingering this morning when I woke up, but of course I can't take anything (not entirely true; I could take Tylenol, but I'd rather not).

My cousin Christphor has arrived in town to do construction work. I plan to invite him over for supper and make sure he has a home-cooked meal. He's younger than me by a few years and we we've never been close, but my maternal instincts are kicking in and I'd like to make sure he's doing ok.

I don't plan to do much today, but the dishwasher needs some loading and unloading and I need to get started on the scarf for the girl at work to whom I am a "Secret Santa".

Jasper

2006-11-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write about our weekend in Jasper for a while now, but I've been pretty busy. Jasper is my favourite place in Canada and it was so nice to go back for Scott's birthday. It was relatively quiet in the park since it's the off-season, but there were a lot of skiers at our hotel. This picture is from a little lake we hiked to. It was so peaceful and serene.

My weekend starts to get busy tomorrow. We meet with our doula tomorrow night for the first time and I'm really excited about it. On Friday night we're going to the hockey game, Saturday morning I have a meeting at church and I promised to make a quiche (which I'm totally regretting now), and then that afternnon I have a bunch of shopping to do. Then on Sunday we're going to the Oilers super skills competition. It should be a good weekend, but I wish I could skip the meeting at church. I took off next Friday at work so that I can get some stuff done here because I'm feeling quite over-whelmed. I don't like working full time very much.

My baby at 15 weeks

2006-11-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

I don't have any new belly pics to post here because I'm really not showing much yet. I just had my second doctor's appointment today and it was really exciting because we heard the heartbeat. It's beating at around 150 beats per minute which is apparently in the normal range. It was so comforting and exciting to hear it since I haven't been growing very fast. I've only gained half a pound since my last appointment 4 weeks ago. But there really is a baby in there! He told me that since I'm tall I won't show as quickly as some other women and I'll always measure smaller.

I thought it was cute that the doctor found the heartbeat and then lost it because the baby moved away really fast.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2006-11-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

These are some of the cute things the parents have heard their kids say about me:

One mom told me her daughter will be upset when I go on mat. leave because I'm "so nice" and when they play "daycare" she always has to be "Marlene".

One of the boys told his mom that daddy loves Marlene.

A dad told me that his daughters named their pumpkin after me. That's my favourite.

Kids are so good for the ego.

Snow

2006-10-28T18:54:00.000-06:00

I woke up to snow and I loved it. I really missed snow when I was in Vancouver - real snow. I cleaned off my car and ventured out on the snowy roads for the first time in about 3 years. It wasn't so bad, though. After making it through a traffic cirle I was going somewhat slow around the turn because of all the snow on the road. A guys behind me decided to pass me on the right going a little too fast. Once he got in front of me he started fish-tailing and I was really glad he didn't do that when he was beside me.

I made it to the church in Sherwood Park for my women's breakfast club and I was really glad I did. It was a really small group of women, but they were really sweet and they made me feel welcome. It's really nice to find a place that I feel a connection with and I can make a home base at. Now we just have to move to Sherwood park so i don't have to drive as far. Scott already works there so it just makes sense. It's about 20 minutes south of Edmonton.

2006-10-23T11:34:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm at home with a stuffed up head and a sore throat, but I have to say that I'm in a pretty good mood. Yesterday I was feeling a little nervous about what my birth experience was going to be like based on the fact that I'm going with an OB/GYN instead of a midwife. For some reason I have the idea in my head that doctor's will laugh at me when I say that I want a natural birth. I know women all over the place deliver naturally with a doctor so I don't know where this came from. So yesterday I did some research on doulas and natural childbirth classes here in town and I started to feel better. I've spoken with my potential doula on the phone and I felt instant chemistry with her. We set up a consultation for the end of November. She also told me wonderful things about the doctor who'll be doing the birth so that made me really excited.

When I was looking at the website I was also excited to find a company here who brings parents cloth diapers every week and picks them up for washing for what I think is an incredible price. I've always wanted to use cloth diapers because of environmental reasons, but I also think they are better for the babies and they encourage toilet training sooner. I'm suddenly feeling so much better knowing that it is still possible to have the birth experience that I've always wanted!

Doctor's Appointment

2006-10-16T17:47:00.000-06:00

I had my first doctor's appointment this morning and it took forever. Scott picked me up at the daycare at 11am and we arrived 15 minutes before the scheduled time of 11:30 in case there was any paper work to do. I only had to fill out my contact info and medical card number. At around noon they finally admitted us and we went to a little room where a nurse asked me a billion questions about my general health and took my blood pressure. All of that was fine. She took us to a small examination room and I slipped off to go the bathroom (the second time since I had arrived, of course) and when I came back Scott relayed the message to me that the doctor would be there any minutes and I was supposed to remove my nice warm clothing and put on some paper. I did this and sat on the paper-wrapped table and waited - and shivered. Scott and I sat and chatted for a while, but time kept going by. After about 25 minutes we started to get concerned that they had forgotten about us, but decided to give it some more time. Finally, after almost an hour, the doctor came in. It turned out he had to do a c-section at the hospital next door. We decided we'd forgive him for it. He did all the necessary things and listened for the heartbeat, which was the sole purpose that Scott had come along, but we couldn't hear it yet. He said that we'll be able to hear it at the next appointment in 4 weeks, though, so Scott will go to that one with me too. Another four weeks after that one we'll do the ultrasound and we'll find out if we're having a boy or a girl. I'm excited about that. I'm too excited to wait the whole pregnancy. We don't really care what it is, but it's fun to know.

I'm dissapointed that I can't have a midwife, but it's not covered in Alberta's healthcare. I've always said that I'd have the baby in the hospital with a midwife, but we can't really afford to pay for it, so I'll have to make do with a doctor. He seems like a nice man and apparently it's the nurses who care for you most of the time.

2006-10-15T13:54:00.000-06:00

Scott and I went to church this morning at the Sherwood Park Alliance Church. It's the church he and his parents went to when they lived here before. I am happy to say that I really liked it. We went to the early, more traditional service, but I think next week I'll give the later contemporary one a try to see how I like it. I'm really excited about the opportunity to meet people and finally have some friends of my own. They have a whole bunch of women's groups and get-togethers that I'm looking forward to attending, like the monthly breakfast and the annual Christmas dinner.

Scott's out golfing (in the rain) with his friend and I just got my beef-vegetable soup in the slow cooker. It'll be done a little later than I'd like, but I haven't made it in a while so I'm looking forward to it. I haven't had a hard time cooking like some pregnant women do, but the smells coming through from other people's apartments is hard for me to deal with. I haven't been feeling nauseated like before, but I still can't stand smells. I was trying to describe it to Scott today because I think he's pretty sick of hearing me complain about it. My sense of smell is so strong sometimes that I can taste whatever is I'm smelling. So when I'm getting a bunch of things coming through the vents and windows like cigarettes, pot, laundry detergent and bad cooking, I feel pretty terrible. At the grocery store today I was trying to find some hand soap that was unscented, but I didn't have any luck. That's another thing I don't like.

Eleven Weeks

2006-10-12T18:58:00.000-06:00

So here's my first belly shot. Ignore the mess behind me and the fact that I look terrible after a long day at work. At this point I feel like I'm having a girl even though Scott tells me it's silly to have a "feeling". He doesn't get women's intuition. Of course, I could be wrong. We don't care, though, as long it's healthy.

I've been feeling good for the past two days so I'm hoping that the morning sickness is going to be finished for good. It makes work a lot nicer when I'm not feeling sick all the time. Work's been fun actually, since I told them because another girl I work with is also pregnant and she's due a week before me. We get to bond over our bellies.

Spilling My Secret

2006-10-10T20:12:00.000-06:00

It's time for me to spill my secret; I'm pregnant! I'm about 10 and 1/2 weeks and I'm due May 10th. I've been super tired and I've had some nausea for the last couple of weeks. The weirdest sensation is how I can't stand the smell of some things, particularly anything perfumey. I also don't want to eat some of my favourite foods.

I don't have any belly pics like Rachel yet, but I'll post some soon and I'll keep you all updated.

A Visit from Mom

2006-10-05T08:19:00.000-06:00

My mom flew into town last night...I mean this morning. Her plane arrived at 1:30 this morning and we arrived at our apartment at 3:15. I'm not feeling too tired right now because I had some sleep before picking her up and I have today and tomorrow off so I could sleep in a bit this morning.

Scott has the car, but we may take a bus to the West Edmonton Mall today. Quite honestly it's probably the highlight for a tourist coming here. There are museums and stuff, and we live close to the legilative grounds which are nice for walking around, but if my visitors to Vancouver (my mom and my best friend, Emily) were to compare my two cities, there's much more to look at in Vancouver. I still like it better here, though. We're planning on checking out the farmer's market on Saturday and maybe we can convince Scott to come with us to Elk Island National Park for a nice walk through the woods on Sunday.

I wish we had tickets to the hockey game tonight, but it looks like we'll be watching it on t.v. instead.

Steak

2006-09-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

We picked up our car today and it felt good to finally take a bunch of boxes to Value Village so that we have a bit more space to walk around our tiny living room. We drove out to Sherwood park to pick up Scott's friend (who normally would have driven us places) and we went to Earl's restaurant for lunch. I've been a craving steak for about a week now and it happened to be the special today so I ordered one. I don't normally order something so extravegant, but it was a special treat. It was really good. I couldn't finish it all, but I ate well beyond my comfort level simply because it tasted so good. I finally made myself stop eating, though, and I brought it home with me.

Scott is out golfing now and I had plans to do some much needed cleaning here, but my big meal made me a little tired so now I feel lazy. Maybe I'll see if there's any good movies on TV.

Cars and Hockey

2006-09-24T10:16:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a pretty full day. We met a friend of ours for breakfast at our new favourite restaurant, Ricki's, and then went car shopping for 4 hours. Most of the time was spent with Scott really liking specific cars and me saying, "I Guess it would be ok, until we went to the last place on Whyte Ave. It was probably the 20th Corolla we had looked at, but I finally liked it. It was the 2003 sport version, and the interior was really nice. It was around the price that we wanted to pay, it had the features we were looking for, and it was in good condition, so we got it. We're waiting for approval for financing and I think that'll be ok (I hope it will be) and we'll be able to pick it up this week once it it cleaned and certified and we have insurance. We're pretty excited to own our very first car.

After the full day of car shopping we went to Rexall place for the first hockey game in our mini-pack. We have 6 games in total, and last night's was a pre-season and the rest, of course, will be spread out through the regular season. We both agreed that the game was the least exciting of all the NHL games we'd ever been to. The Oilers were playing Calgary, so it had potential to be good, but it was sort of boring. There was no scoring in the first period and then Calgary scored twice in the last half of the second period. Edmonton finally scored in the last minute of the 3rd period so we had a minute or so of excitement, but they didn't score anymore. It doesn't really matter that they lost since it's still pre-season, but it would have been nice with some more excitement. The Flames were playing more veterans than Edmonton so it felt like watching a minor league team play an NHL team at times. The Oilers' veterans stepped it up and had more ice time at the end, though. I'm looking forward to going to the regular season games when they'll mean more and the teams will be made up of the best players and the rookies that didn't make it on the team will go back to trying to build up their skills for the next season.

Quick Update

2006-09-16T10:24:00.000-06:00

It's been a pretty long time since I've blogged, but I've been tired when I get home from work. I basically cook supper, eat supper, and then clean up from supper. Sometimes a load of laundry is put in the wash, but I generally have been going to bed early.

I have to go to the daycare this afternoon to go through our supplies and see what we can spend some of our funding on. It doesn't sound like a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon, but I'll be getting a free lunch.

We've been looking at options for cars lately because the transit system here is pretty inadequate and as the cold weather comes on (rather quickly, it seems) we don't want to be standing at a bus stop. Scott may go looking this afternoon while I'm out and then hopefully tomorrow I can go too. A car would make getting groceries so much easier.

My first long weekend

2006-09-02T09:13:00.000-06:00

I haven't been very good at updating my blog lately because by the time I get home from work I'm exhausted. I've been going to bed between 8 and 9!

After working there for only a week I woke up Monday morning with a sore throat. It lasted for three days, but it never turned into anything else. No stuffy nose or anything. That was sort of a blessing, I guess.

Yesterday we got some new sharks. I'm in the shark room and it's a room for 2-3 and a half year olds. Most of the older ones moved into the sunshine room and we got the new 2 year olds. Since it was the Friday before a long weekend it was a quiet day; we only had 9 kids. It was good since it's a new routine with new rules. The new sharks coming from the chikadee room aren't used to having to scrape their own plates into the garbage after meals and they're not used to having to sit during circle time. My big thing that I want to work on with them is cleaning up the toys that they aren't playing with before moving on to new ones.

I'm so excited to have my first long weekend. I don't really know what we're going to do. Scott's talking about going to a driving range with his friend this morning and I don't know what I'll do yet. I guess I'll just relax!

New Friends

2006-08-26T08:47:00.000-06:00

Awe...sleeping in. I'll never take it for granted again. I actually woke up around 6 and felt like I could have got up, and then again at 7. I finally crawled out of bed around 8 and I feel very rested.

So on Thursday night I went out with the girls from work to Ceili's Irish pub. It's sort of close to my apartment so I was able to walk there. After having been there for about a half an hour and half way through my Strongbow, a blonde girl came and sat across from me. I thought she was one of my co-workers friends because I didn't recognize her from the daycare. Everyone was asking her how her holidays were going and asking her if she missed the daycare, so I decided she obviously worked there. Trying to be sociable, I say, "So do you work at the daycare too?" . Everyone started laughing then and told me she was my boss, Kim, who had been on holdiays since I started. It was a very memorable way to meet my boss for the first time.
It was a lot of fun that night and I hope I didn't come across as a huge dork with Kim. I was a little bit buzzed from having a drink on an empty stomach. She actually made a comment about how I said I was shy in my interview, but I didn't seem like it now. She's got a good sense of humour, though, and she's actually just a little bit older than me.

Almost the end of the week

2006-08-24T18:11:00.000-06:00

One more day and I will have completed my first week at the daycare. I'm so glad that this job landed on my lap; it feels so good to be doing something that I feel like I was meant to do. I still want to have a home daycare, but this environment is good until then.
I've always felt like I was called to work with children in some form. Sometimes this feeling confused me when I was growing up, though, because there were some children I babysat as a teenager that absolutely drove me nuts and I didn't want to look after. While it is still challenging at times, I've learned to cope with difficult behaviour and I think I'm pretty natural with kids. I've never been one of those loud, crazy babysitters or teachers that run around and dance with the kids all the time. I encourage the kids to do that sort of thing and when I feel comfortable I'll join in. It's part of me being introverted. I admire the out-going type who can be crazy with the kids, though.
This week so far has shown me that I'll be really happy when the time comes for me to have my own daycare at home. Since I am quieter I like to have a small group of kids so that we can get to know each other better and play and learn in an intimate atmosphere. One of the challenges I've faced this week is how loud it can sometimes get with up to 18 pre-schoolers in the room. Both the children and I get distracted by what's going on and its hard to stay focused on each other. I've noticed that the quiet children gravitate towards me, while the more extroverted ones like to play with the louder teachers. That's why I think my future small daycare will be good. It will be an option for parents whose children like interaction with others, but do better in a small group. That's what I was like as a child and still am today.
This is a pretty rambling post, but I was just typing what I thought.

First Day

2006-08-21T17:56:00.000-06:00

It's 6:51pm and I have been home from my first daycare shift for half an hour. I'm tired. I forgot how tiring it is to work with children all day. I like it, though. The other teachers are really nice, the parents are friendly, and the kids are fun. The only stressful part was the bathroom time after lunch. I'm still alive and there were no major problems. I've been invited out to have a pint at Ceili's pub on Thursday night. Apparently it's a weekly thing, but this week will be special because the girl that I'm replacing will be saying good-bye.

Phew!

2006-08-10T16:58:00.000-06:00

I can let out a big breath of air now. Our stuff is here, we have cable (and internet), I took my first aid/cpr course. Evrything is settling down a little. This morning I went to the daycare to meet my new coworkers and see the place. I have a feeling I'm going to be very happy there. Everyone is really nice and they seem relaxed. I chatted a lot with the assistant director. I think I'm going to "click" with everyone.

Our apartment is in shambles right now. We have boxes everywhere and things aren't in their right places yet. Our bathroom and kitchen are basically set up, but the living room and bedroom aren't functional. The bedroom is ridiculously small and we don't have a storage room so we are having a hard time arranging things. It's mostly going to have to wait, though, because tomorrow night we're taking a red-eye flight to Toronto and we'll be in Kingston on Saturday morning. I'll see most of you on Sunday at Next.

That's all for now. Our computer chair is too high and I can't figure out how to adjust it; it's making my shoulders hurt.

Updates in Edmonton

2006-08-06T17:24:00.000-06:00

Just to update everyone on where we're at, we've been in Edmonton for a week without any of our stuff. There was a mix-up and it's going to be late. Luckily, they're reducing the price significantly for us. Nice.

We've been spending our time exploring our new surroundings and catching up with friends. We've spent some time at internet cafes (and Circuit Circus - right now) to stay in touch with our other friends. Our stuff should arrive tomorrow and we should start feeling like we live here instead of being on vacation. More to come later.

Our Weekend

2006-07-27T14:26:00.000-06:00

I've pretty much finished packing now. All that is left is either going in the garbage or coming with us. I just have to clean now and make sure that everything is manageable for the movers. they're coming in the afternoon now instead of the morning so that gives me a little extra time. I don't think I need the extra time now, I'd rather just have them come and take stuff away. Oh well.

I just did a quick clean-up in the bathroom and I know that I'll have to do another on Monday morning just before we leave. I ran out of my Natura cleaner from Home Hardware so I used some left-over Lysol all purpose stuff instead. I have to admit that it worked incredibly well, but the fumes made me cough and I have a slight headache. I swear by natural cleaners now, even if they take a little more elbow grease to work. too bad I still have the oven to clean...

Since we're not going to have a computer or TV for the next few days we need to come up with things to keep us occupied for the weekend. I still have 1 1/2 books left to read (out of 4 - not bad, eh?) so I'll probably get them finished, but I also want to get out and see things too. We're going to go to Deep Cove on Saturday morning and have breakfast and maybe walk around a bit. It's a really pretty little town just outside of North Vancouver, right by Mount Seymour Provincial Park. I doubt that we'll do any major hiking, though, because our running shoes have already been packed. After that, I'd like to go to The Plaza of Nations downtown and check out the "Taste of the City" festival. It's free admission and you get to sample food from hundreds (I might be exaggerating) of restaurants. Then, when we're all stuffed, the second night of the Fireworks competition will be happening in English Bay (where we live) and we'll go check them out. Everyone in Vancouver and the surrounding area comes down for them. It's pretty crazy.

Swimming

2006-07-25T23:19:00.000-06:00

The humidity has tapered off here and I am so relieved. It's still pretty warm during the day, especially since I've been working hard, but it's tolerable once I take it easy. Scott and I went for a swim in the ocean the other day and the water was perfect; a little cold at first, but great once we were used to it. I wanted to go again tonight so I convinced Scott to go with me at around 7:30. The water was freezing tonight, but again, once we were used to it we stayed in for a long time. Our skin was cold to the touch for at least an hour afterwards, though, since it was pretty cold. The tide was high tonight so I'm guessing that's why it was so much colder. The water was so much more shallow when we went last time.

So I have my start date at the daycare. I'll be there for the 21st; the Monday after we get back from Kingston. As soon as I read the email tonight I became a little anxious. This is real...a real job. I hope I don't suck. I've always had a passion for working with kids and I'd say it's my niche. I'm just worried about things like whether I'll have chemistry with my co-workers or the parents. Sometimes my introverted personality makes things difficult.

Getting there...

2006-07-21T12:17:00.000-06:00

The packing is coming along now, but I'm really looking forward to the unpacking part. I've always enjoyed that part so much more since I get to set up my home.

We don't have a lot of groceries right now because we are trying to use up what we have already. There wasn't much breakfast food (that I like) so I decided to go out for breakfast. There are a lot of restaurants right outside our door so I chose one for a cheap meal. It was great, I only spent $4, tip included. After our stuff leaves next Friday and we're still here for 2 days we'll be eating at the cheap restaurants on Denman Street. We'll have our cheap greasy spoon breakfast, the lunch special at Mongolian BBQ, and likely sushi for supper. We're both getting a little tired of sushi, though, so we might have to think of something else that's inexpensive.

I took some free newspapers from our front door today (the ones that usually end up sitting there until the janitor throws them in the recycling) and I plan to pack up my kitchen today. I don't plan on entertaining anyone or cooking any big meals between now and next Friday so I think it's a good idea. I don't like how things are half packed right now. It's too messy.

Summer Reading List

2006-07-19T18:32:00.000-06:00

I just got back from the library with 4 books. Three of them are trashy romances with hopefully some rippling muscles and ripping bodices. The other is a Margaret Laurence novel. After high school I didn't think I'd ever try to read another one of her's, but this one sounds interesting. Can I read 4 books in a week and a half? Absolutely. Will I? We'll see.

Packing

2006-07-19T16:52:00.000-06:00

Packing is hard work. I want to pack everything all in one shot instead of only some of it because I still need stuff. If I was a millionaire I'd have other people doing it all for me, I'd be staying at a luxurious hotel for the next week and a half, and I'd be eating at a different restaurant every night. But alas, I'm far from a millionaire so I'm doing it myself. The work itself isn't so bad, in fact, it's somewhat therapeutic. Organizing things neatly in a box is up my alley, deciding what to leave out and when I should pack certain items, not so much.
I find myself taking a lot of breaks. It's pretty hot in our apartment, especially when you're doing something labour intensive so I sit down for a while by the fan to cool off, then I get back up and do something else until I'm uncomfortable again.
I feel like I want to read these days since I'm not working anymore, but I've packed up all my books. I didn't have any that I wanted to read again, though, so I'll try to get to the library. I love the idea of going to the library, but I tend to get a sore neck and my eyes go fuzzy from reading things sideways on the shelves. I always find tons of books I'm interested in at Chapters because so many are all set out in front of me in a nice display with their front covers facing out. I'm drawn to nice covers. Later I might go to find an easy-read fiction. I can't let myself forget to take it back. Last night since I wanted to read, I decided to read the Bible. It's sad to say that I read it because I didn't have anything else to read. I decided to read Peter I and II as though they were a novel. Maybe some divine intervention caused me to want to read them because I did get some inspiration from them. There were some really good passages that I could relate to. On the other hand though, there were some things in there that talked of how live for Jesus and it made me think that I'm not really a good Christian. So then I went to bed and tried to meditate on what I had read and to think of ways to incorporate Christ into my life a little better. I'll save Revelations for a night when I feel better about my moral state LOL.

2006-07-17T22:25:00.000-06:00

I finished my last shift on Saturday and now I've got a little less than two weeks to pack up our stuff and get ready to move. I'm getting really excited to get to Edmonton and get settled in our new place. The day of the move will be slightly hectic as we get our luggage and the cats to the airport to fly. We'll have to arrange to have someone pick us up at the airport in Edmonton since it's too long of a cab ride downtown. The airport is outside the city.
On Friday at work they had a surprise going away party and it was really sweet. I didn't think I had been there long enough to get one, but they had a cake and everything. People wrote really nice messages in a card for me too. That night I decided to go out with a couple of the girls that work in the gift registry since one of them lives across the street from me. I thought it would be ok to have a couple drinks with them since they had asked me so many times before but I always said no. It was a lot of fun, but I ended up drinking more than I'm used to and I felt really sick when I got home and didn't sleep well. My actual last shift was Saturday and it wasn't very enjoyable because of the night before.
Since we weren't going to be here for very long I didn't try to make any strong connections with people, but I realized that I'm going to miss some of the people I've met more than I expected. I've been so focused on moving on that I haven't been able to enjoy my time that I've had here. I'm glad we came here.
I'm hoping that when we get to Edmonton we'll find a church that we both like and I can connect with people there. I've really missed having a church that I feel comfortable in. I miss being with people and hearing messages that really make me think. I really hope to find a small group too since that was one of the best things that happened for me when I was in Kingston. Things just never really fell into place that way here.

2006-07-10T22:44:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posting. Zeek is much better now; I don't really know what happened. He was curled up uncomfortably all night, but by morning he and Tyke were running around and playing as usual.
I've been both lazy and busy at the same time. I've been busy with trying to find an apartment in Edmonton, finishing up my last few shifts at work, and meeting friends to say good-bye. When I haven't been doing these things I've been super lazy.
I have the day off tomorrow and there is some serious house maintenance that needs to be done. The basic stuff like vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and doing the dishes has been neglected.
We have an apartment now; we just need to find out more details about it. I talked to the property management group and we were told that we're appoved for the place and the woman told me that she called the property manager and told him to call us. She said that she called him on Friday, but we still haven't heard from him. Scott tried calling him today, but had no luck. I'll feel much better once we talk to him and he tells us that we do in fact have an apartment. On the phone last week he sounded both confused and grumpy. Once we know our address we can start changing the address on things and transfer our cable over so we can have internet as soon as we arrive.

By the way, that's the picture we have of the afore-mentioned apartment.

2006-07-05T22:47:00.000-06:00

I'm worried about Zeek. He's been lying this way tonight and if you even gently touch his side he wimpers. We've had trouble with him and hairballs for a long time since his hair is so long, but he tends to throw up and then continue playing around as usual. I've also never know him to be in pain. He threw up, and he doesn't seem to be able to walk. He takes a few steps and then lies down. As I write this he has just gone into his box and is lying down in there. I hope he's ok. If he's still like this tomorrow we may need to take him to the vet.

2006-07-05T09:45:00.000-06:00

I took the job!
I couldn't turn down such a good opportunity being handed to me so I decided it was a good idea. If it doesn't work out, so be it, but I need to try it. It could be the best job I've ever had.

Who'd have thought?

2006-07-04T22:15:00.000-06:00

I checked my email tonight and discovered that I've been offered the job at the daycare. I started reading it fully expecting to say that she enjoyed speaking to me, but she'd offered the job to someone else, but I was taken aback when I read that they thought I'd fit in well. I got a little "sour grapes" after the interview since I thought it went so poorly. I started thinking of the size and how far away it was, but now that it's right there for me if I want it, I'm thinking of the good things like the regular hours, the better pay, paid holidays, and the satisfaction with working with kids. The cons are still there, of course. At this point the one that bugs me most is how far away it is. I don't know Edmonton's transit system so I don't know how easy it would be to get there. I've decided to think and pray about it and respond tomorrow.